


The Raven Court

by bambazzle



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Exy (All For The Game), Bisexual Disaster Kevin Day, Bisexual Kevin Day, Book 1: The Foxhole Court, Dark Neil Josten, Demisexual Neil Josten, Exy (All For The Game), Kevin Day Needs A Hug, M/M, Multi, Neil Josten & Jean Moreau Friendship, Neil Josten as Nathaniel Wesninski, POV Jean Moreau, Professional Exy (All For The Game), Professional Exy Player Kevin Day, Professional Exy Player Neil Josten, Raven Kevin Day, Soft Neil Josten, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, The Perfect Court (All For The Game)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:35:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29554329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bambazzle/pseuds/bambazzle
Summary: AU where Neil's mother never took him and he joined the Moriyamas at a young age. Nathaniel Wesninski is a famed Exy player, and known for being teamed up with Jean, Kevin, and Riko at all times. In this AU, the Ravens meet the Foxes, and most of this story takes place a little bit before The Foxhole Court would've. Nathan is still alive, and Neil is still looking over his shoulder and trying to find a way out- but he was raised differently this time around. He still has trauma, but it's all a very different kind. POV's will switch up quite a bit!
Relationships: Kevin Day & The Foxes (All For The Game), Kevin Day/Jean Moreau, Kevin Day/Neil Josten, Matt Boyd & Neil Josten, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten & The Foxes (All For The Game), Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten/Jean Moreau
Comments: 37
Kudos: 122





	1. AARON MINYARD

(A flashback, to when the Ravens try to recruit Andrew Minyard (I tried to keep it accurate to Nora's rendition, but with the addition of Neil))

It was a wonder anyone could try to talk over the chaos, but the Aaron could hear an unmistakable voice behind him in the locker room. He stopped undoing his gear and stood up. Right in the middle of the Macon High Eagles locker room, the Exy Trio tried their best to push free from ecstatic high school students. Kevin Day, Riko Moriyama, and Nathaniel Wesninski formed a half circle around Andrew's locker, staring him down with dead rage. Andrew grinned in amusement, but Aaron wasn't sure what it was about yet.

"Three guesses and the first two don't count?" Andrew asked.

"Stop being obnoxious." Kevin snapped, and Nathaniel shot him a wary look. 

"Oh, I haven't even started being obnoxious yet. Wait a moment and you'll see." Andrew waved his racquet toward Kevin and gave a fake laugh. "You know, you could have saved yourself an apoplectic fit or two if you'd listened when I told you I wasn't interested. Your stupidity is your problem, not mine."

"But yours is mine," Kevin crossed his arms, staring at Andrew's racquet like he wanted to yank it out of Andrew's arms.

"I think he just called me stupid," Andrew said in mock outrage, turning toward Aaron. "Give me a moment to recover. I haven't felt this shamed in a long time." He leaned back against his locker, and as Kevin began to speak again, he clattered his racquet heavily against the locker door to silence him. "A moment, I said. Nice to see that your hearing problem is an ongoing thing. One too many balls to the helmet, I think? You'll want to retire before it becomes permanent."

Nathaniel noted Kevin's rage before Aaron even had time to process it, and shoved past Kevin to slam Andrew's racquet against the locker. The thud made Andrew step forward, holding his racquet more like a weapon than gear, and Nathaniel only grinned before walking past Kevin and through the students. The excited chatter dulled as the other high school athletes strained to watch. Aaron did his best to ignore the stares of their teammates, and glanced toward the far side of the room. Riko stood, unsmiling, an iron grip on Nathaniel's shoulder. Both of them had their eyes locked on Kevin and Andrew. Nathaniel felt the weight of Aaron's stare and turned to look coldly at Aaron. Aaron hesitated for a moment before turning to look back at his brother. 

"You should be ashamed of the way you played tonight," Kevin whispered, trying to keep the other athletes from overhearing. "Tell me it's the medicine. Tell me you'll be better than this if we take you off these drugs."

"If you what?" Aaron asked before Andrew could react, and Kevin shot him a warning look. 

"Deaf and deluded," Andrew smirked, sounding as cheerful as he could muster. "This isn't a ten-step program, you know. It's kind of a permanent thing."

"Not if we don't want it to be," Kevin said, as if it was obvious, as if he wasn't aware that the rest of the world couldn't just wave their hand and do whatever they pleased. "We can overturn the ruling."

"A couple signatures for the judge, a photoshoot with the lawyers—"

"Riko always gets what he wants. So do we." Kevin nodded in Nathaniel's direction without bothering to turn around. Aaron wondered how he knew where Nathaniel had even walked to. 

"There's that Raven arrogance we've heard so much about." Andrew let his racquet fall to the floor in front of him and leaned forward, grinning in Kevin's face. "I've seen cheerleaders with more modesty. Does it help you sleep at night thinking you're better than everyone else?"

"How do you sleep when you're such a failure?" Kevin retorted, looking as if it took all his strength not to strangle Andrew then and there. 

Andrew shrugged the smile off his face and tapped the side of his head. "I count sheep."

Kevin waved his hand in defeat and stepped back. "I refuse to take you back with us if you're going to play all of your games like you practiced tonight. You have no place on the Raven line if you're not willing to be the best."

"What a hypocrite," Andrew said, fighting the smile that crept onto his face, "considering you've built an entire career around being second best."

Aaron focused his eyes on the number two that was tattooed on Kevin's cheekbone, wondering who would willingly claim themselves as second. He hoped that would be the end of the conversation, and he turned to look at the other two boys standing in the corner. Aaron wasn't sure if Riko heard what Kevin said, but he seemed to grin at the matching number one that decorated his cheekbone. Nathaniel leaned against the wall, his hand covering his own matching tattoo. Aaron knew that Nathaniel was known to push himself harder than anyone on his team- there was no way he was satisfied to be number three forever. Aaron returned his gaze to his shoes and began untying the laces. Andrew turned away from Kevin and focused on his combination, waiting for it to click open and then dropping the lock behind him at Kevin's feet. He started to pull his locker open when Kevin spoke up. 

"You're worth it."  
It was quiet enough that only the three of them could hear it, but Andrew stopped in his tracks. He said nothing, and so Kevin continued, "You have so much potential I can taste it, but you're squandering it. You could be Court. You could be the greatest goalkeeper in the game. You could have everything, but you won't even try. You sabotage yourself at every turn instead. Watching you play like you don't care who wins makes me sick to my stomach."

"We're done here," Andrew yanked his locker door open, refusing to acknowledge Kevin. "Go away."

"Not until you tell me why. I need to know. Look me in the face and tell me you don't care."

Andrew took a deep breath and spun to face Kevin. There wasn't even a hint of a joking smile as he replied. "I don't care."

"You don't mean that. You can't be this good and not feel a thing." Kevin looked to Aaron with an exasperated expression. "Tell him I'm right."

"What's the point?" Aaron kicked off his shoes and began undoing his shin guards. "He always knows when I'm lying to him. It wouldn't do you any good to drag me into this."

"It's not a lie. He—"

"—is a Minyard," Aaron cut him off, knowing that Kevin would press and press the issue until Andrew snapped, "and Minyards don't get higher than rock bottom. Now leave us alone."

Kevin looked at him like he wasn't even there, and then turned back to Andrew. "Fifteen minutes. Spend fifteen minutes on the court with me. If you still want me to go after that, I'll leave. Coach Felder," he said, shouting to their Coach, who had walked in some time ago and stood beside Nathaniel, "I'm borrowing your court and your goalkeeper, but you'll need to loan me some gear. I didn't bring any of mine."

"I told you to go away," Andrew shook his head. "If you make me say it a third time they'll be carrying you out on a stretcher."

"Mind your manners, Minyard," Coach Felder said, pointing a warning finger in Andrew's direction. 

"What, Coach?" Aaron asked.

"The other Minyard." Felder rolled his eyes, and Aaron shrugged. He at least attempted to get his brother out of it. Felder grabbed the dealer standing at the locker beside him. "You're about the same height. Get out your away gear and make it quick. As for you," he lowered his eyes at Andrew, "get that expensive racquet off the floor and get down to the court. And if I see you disrespecting school property again you'll be benched."

"Not the bench, Coach." Andrew fake whined, pretending to wipe away invisible tears with gloved hands. He grabbed his racquet with one hand and shot Felder a glance. "Anything but that."

Felder pretended not to hear and placed a hand on Kevin's shoulder. "The court's all yours, Kevin. Anything else you need, just say the word."

"I'll take a backliner with me." Kevin waved in Aaron's direction. "Put your shoes back on."

"Don't tell me what to do," Aaron shot back.

"He said strap up," Felder glared at Aaron with the same authoritative look he gave to Andrew.

Aaron clenched his jaw but slowly fixed his shin guards and shoved his shoes back on. He grabbed his gear and waited to follow Andrew onto the court. Felder led the rest of the Eagles to the home benches to watch, and Andrew stepped in front of home goal. Aaron assumed position at first-fourth, sitting until Kevin finished changing into his borrowed gear. Kevin brought a bucket of balls and set them at the edge of the inner court. 

"Begin," Kevin said, and took no time at all destroying them.

Aaron had heard stories about Kevin- it was impossible to play Exy and not hear about Kevin's reputation. Aaron wasn't one to watch games though, so he wasn't at all ready to face Kevin on the court. Despite putting all his energy into the fight, Andrew couldn't change the flow of the game. Kevin pushed through him time after time, scoring with every throw. It didn't matter how much rage it fueled Aaron with, Kevin still wore him down and got around him despite every blow. 

Aaron didn't give a damn about Exy, he never had. He learned Exy because of his mother- because it got him out of the house and away from her. He stuck with it because he needed something to so with his time, and because it was something to do with his brother. He didn't care about the team, or the pep talks and speeches about dedication, those meant nothing to him. But as he watched Kevin play, he couldn't fight the feeling that Kevin was doing something real. Something impressive. He wondered if Andrew noticed or cared, but he crushed that thought the second it went into his head. Andrew wouldn't care, and it didn't matter. This would be over and gone as soon as the drill ended. 

But Aaron couldn't get rid of that thought for long, because Andrew stood up a little straighter, and guarded the goal a little harder. At first it was lazy attempts to swat the ball away, but after he lost his eighth goal, Aaron saw a flicker of rage as Andrew slammed the next ball directly into Kevin's neck. The neck guard protected him, but he stumbled back. Aaron couldn't see Kevin smile through his helmet, but after that block, Aaron knew that he had to be grinning. The game seemed to speed up and blur around them- Aaron would slam into Kevin more aggressively, Andrew would swing harder, but Kevin still annihilated them. 

Nathaniel was standing on the edge of inner court, and he banged against the plexiglass wall to announce that their time was over. Aaron stood in his tracks and stretched his muscles, not bothering to follow as Andrew started walking off court. 

Kevin stepped out in front of Andrew and crossed his arms. "You're still holding yourself back. Why won't you just show me what you're capable of?"

"Is it a hearing problem or a horizontal learning curve?" Andrew asked, stepping around him. "Refer back to the part where I don't care."

Kevin didn't bother to stop Andrew from passing him, but instead called after him, "Didn't you have fun?"

Andrew pretended to think it over, but his answer would've been the same as if it had been immediate, "No. Not even a bit." Aaron saw the twitch at the corner of Andrew's mouth, and said nothing. This wasn't his fight. Still, as Andrew and Kevin stood there wordlessly, he studied Andrew's face. Most would find it unnerving to look at an exact copy of themselves, but sometimes Aaron found comfort in their similarities. Blonde hair that stuck up in the same spots, a sharp nose that wrinkled when they smiled (sometimes Aaron would laugh in the mirror, so he could convince himself someday that Andrew would genuinely laugh, and he would know because it would look exactly like when Aaron does), a smile that twitched when they lied. 

Andrew pointed at his head with two fingers and waved a mocking salute at Kevin before disappearing beyond the court door. Aaron didn't watch to see Kevin leave, but he knew that for better or worse, Andrew had won.


	2. NATHANIEL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little look at Neil's POV, because Neil on the Raven Court is something else.

(About a year ago, before Riko and Kevin's 'skiing trip')

It was a cold, long day in West Virginia when Nathaniel stepped onto the Raven court as an official member of the team for the first time. He spent hundreds of weekends practicing in that pitch black room, and it never felt as intimidating as it did now. This was the first day of the rest of his future, and Nathaniel wasn't sure how he felt about it. Every Raven makes court, every one of them would go on to make pro if they wanted- and for the first time in a long time, Nathaniel wasn't sure if he wanted it. 

Exy had been something unwavering in his life for as long as he could remember. It was ineffable. The rush that he felt when he defended the goal, the adrenaline in his veins when they buzer sounded, it was like a high that keeps building on itself. The dream of fame and the way the blood boils in your veins as you fight for the win- it was practically involuntary. He lived to play Exy, he was brought here to learn and to win and to grow. But they hadn't really wanted him to grow like this, had they? He wasn't allowed to beat Riko- one step too close or move too fast, and Master Tetsuji would keep him on the court until practice the next morning. Nathaniel had to learn how to keep himself out of Riko's way. At times, even Kevin looked at Nathaniel like he was a threat. When he was alone, which was rare, Nathaniel ran to the far edge of campus and sat there for as long as he thought they wouldn't miss him. And while he waited, ticking down the seconds on his watch, Nathaniel would touch the 3 on his cheekbone like it would burn him.

Nathaniel wasn't alone now, of course, the Ravens never went anywhere alone. Jean Moreau was Nathaniel's partner in this, and Nathaniel couldn't help but feel a sick distaste for the way that Jean occupied his space. It wasn't Jean's fault, and Nathaniel knew that, it was just the way they had to be. Nathaniel hadn't felt like he was ever truly alone in a long time. Sometimes Nathaniel thought about how beautiful it would be to be nobody at all- to have grown up away from court, on his own, to have run away the day he was told he belonged to Tetsuji. Some days all Nathaniel wanted was to be nothing at all. But he pushed those thoughts aside and focused on Evermore. 

The Raven drills weren't anything new to him, Tetsuji had prepared them for this when he was 13, but Nathaniel still held back. He ran a little slower and dodged a little quicker and focused all his energy onto staying out of Riko's line of fire. The days Nathaniel messed up Kevin on the court were the worst. He could still remember the first time he saw Kevin miss a pass, and Riko spent the next five minutes hitting the butt of his racquet against Kevin's ribs. Nathaniel wanted to explain that it wasn't Kevin's fault, but by then he knew that if he protested, Jean would be the one who got the worst of it. Nathaniel had taken years to learn to shut up and act the part, but by the time he joined the Ravens' lineup, he knew better than to fight back anymore. That little bit of fight left inside him just pooled inside his stomach, waiting for the day he could lash out and take Riko down with him. 

After the first week of the Raven's scheduled winter break practices, Nathaniel found himself in the Nest alone. Riko had left for a conference with Tetsuji, and Jean had grown frustrated with Nathaniel's refusal to carry a conversation. Nathaniel wandered the hallway until he came to the room at the end of the wing and knocked, praying under his breath that Riko hadn't returned early for the night. There was a clatter, and the sound of books shutting quickly, and Kevin opened the door to face Nathaniel. 

"Is something wrong?" Kevin asked, and Nathaniel realized that Kevin must have been enjoying his rare time alone until Nathaniel interrupted. 

"No." Nathaniel said quickly, "I can go." 

Kevin shook his head and pushed the door open wider, and Nathaniel reluctantly stepped into the room. He had seen Riko's room from the outside before, but being inside was a different type of suffocating. The black walls made the room seem smaller in here, with how sparsely decorated Riko kept his side. He wondered how Kevin managed, and then shoved that thought to the back of his mind. "I'm just not used to being alone."

"Where's Jean?" Kevin asked, sitting back on his bed and moving aside a stack of books. 

"On a run." Nathaniel responded, not sure if it was true, but knowing it was the safest answer. Nathaniel looked Kevin in the eye and was hit with a flash of memory- of the first time seeing Kevin, here at Castle Evermore, of his father, committing brutal crimes in front of them for Tetsuji, of his mother, who's face had faded out of his memory enough that it would slip away when he tried to hold onto it. He silently wondered if she made it away alive, and hoped she had. And he tried not to hate her for not taking him. The first few months after that had been the worst- Nathaniel always wondering when his mother would come back, fighting against Riko and Tetsuji and hoping that somehow she would make her way to Evermore and take him away. He called himself Abram, in muffled whispers into his pillow at night, a small way for a child to hold onto his mother. All the pain he endured was in hope of getting out, but that hope had been long extinguished. Nathaniel had let Abram go. Now, they did what they had to so they could survive. There were still scars on his wrists from handcuffs, line down his chest and arms from knifes, a near-perfect circle that was permanently raised on the skin of his sternum from Tetsuji's cane. These scars paled in comparison to the ones left by his own father, but they were fresher and the wounds brought up too much for Nathaniel to look at them any differently. 

Nathaniel heard footsteps in the hallway and held his breath until someone knocked on the door. If it were Riko, Nathaniel would be better off staying put and pretending that he was doing nothing wrong- if he left the second Riko arrived, he would be in for a long night. Kevin looked nauseous, and Nathaniel wondered if he would have to be the one to open the door- but he was rooted to his spot.

"Kevin?" Jean's voice called from the other side, and relief sent Nathaniel to his feet. He opened the door and ushered Jean in, closing it as soon as Jean stepped out of the way. Jean looked from Nathaniel to Kevin, and took a hesitant seat on the corner of the desk. He kept his voice quiet, and spoke softly in French. Jean had taught Kevin and Neil French in between classes, it was their failsafe when Riko wasn't around.

"Something important is going on." He rubbed the four on his cheekbone like it was fresh, and folded his hands in his lap, "I heard a lot of shouting from Tetsuji's office. I couldn't make out anything they were saying, but it was bad. I won't be surprised if Riko doesn't come back tonight." 

"Fuck." Kevin swore, pulling out his laptop and tilting it toward them, "ESPN did some bullshit article on how I was a better player than Riko. I saw it this morning." Kevin pulled up the article and shoved the laptop toward Jean, putting his head in his hands. "I'm fucked."

"This is bad, Kevin. Like, really bad." Nathaniel muttered, scrolling through lines about the 'eventual showdown' between lifelong friends. Kevin and Riko had always been closer to eachother than they were to Nathaniel- at least to the public eye. Nathaniel was the mutual friend between them, but nobody saw him as a true threat. It was always Kevin and Riko in the end, and Nathaniel had been trying his best to prepare for the day when Riko pushed Kevin to the ground beside Neil and crowned himself King of Exy.

"Maybe it's not." Jean said hopefully, "Maybe Riko is being indignant enough to have the shit beat out of him and he won't be able to do anything about it." 

"That's never going to happen." Kevin snapped, slamming a hand against the wall. "Get out. If he finds you here, you'll both be dead too." 

Jean stood to leave, and Nathaniel grabbed him by the sleeve. Jean shifted on his feet, not sure whether speaking would help or hurt the situation. Neil contemplated his place on the team longer than he would have liked to. He and Kevin had never been great friends, but Nathaniel only had Kevin and Jean. This was it for him. "No." Nathaniel said firmly. "Riko isn't coming back tonight, and so we're staying." 

"Nathaniel-" 

"I said we're staying." Nathaniel repeated. And maybe they were too tired to protest, or maybe they hoped that Riko wouldn't be able to take down all three of them, but Jean didn't stand up again, and Kevin let out a slight sigh of relief.


	3. NATHANIEL

(About a year ago)

The NCAA winter banquet was tense every year- the Ravens had to coordinate their outfits and practice their synchrony non-stop the week before. This year there was an unfamiliar air of dissonance in the air while they prepared, as nobody had seen Riko outside of practice since his conference with his father. Every team in their district would be looking to the Ravens after their strong start this season, and Nathaniel wasn’t sure how well the team would hold up under the pressure.

Nathaniel and Jean had stayed in Kevin and Riko’s room, each night more uneasy than the next as they waited for Riko to return. The longer he stayed with Tetsuji, the more certain Kevin became that they were planning something terrible. Nerves were piled high the entire week as the Ravens contemplated Riko's absence and tried not to get caught gossiping anywhere that they might get caught.

The Ravens loaded their spare clothes into the compartment in the back of the bus and took their seats- Riko and Kevin at the front with Jean and Nathaniel right behind them. The rest crowded into the seats toward the back, careful not to get too close. Nathaniel leaned his head against the window and tried to sleep, but everytime they crossed a bump in the road he jerked his head up to check on Kevin. Kevin and Riko sat silently, neither daring to say a word in front of the rest of the team. Kevin folded and unfolded his hands, looking more and more uneasy the longer the drive got. It was an hour before they arrived at the Charleston stadium, and the Ravens filed off the bus and grabbed their spare outfits from the back to change. Jean waited as Riko and Kevin stepped off the bus before daring to say something to Nathaniel.

"Don't start anything."

The court was set up with a tarp covering the floors and tables scattered from the first to second fourth line. Speakers lined the end of the inner court by the goal, with a section open for dancing. Riko spoke to one of the coaches, who said something and gestured to a table. The Ravens followed Riko to the table, and they took their seats as they waited for the other teams to arrive. The Wolves were seated directly across from them, a team a little over half the size of the Ravens. The Ravens leaned forward in unison as the other team tried to keep up friendly conversation, but the other team only seemed amused. It wasn’t long before Stevens, one of their backliners, seated across from Jean, turned to Riko. 

“Hey, Riko. Have you checked ESPN lately? Looks like your number two doesn’t want to be second anymore.” Stevens smiled, and Jean grabbed Nathaniel’s arm as a not-so-subtle reminder to keep quiet. Stevens didn’t understand the impact of what he was saying, but Kevin’s face paled as Stevens continued. “You know, I didn’t think he had it in him. He always seemed so content with second place. But I guess that’s lesson number one for the Ravens, huh? Nobody gets to outshine you.” 

Riko laughed, as if the words rolled off his shoulders, but Nathaniel knew that laugh well enough to know better. “You sound very confident for someone who’s never won a single game against us.” He leaned back and looked at Stevens pointedly, “You had stats that should’ve kept you off any NCAA team that actually values winning, so you got in with your daddy’s promise to help fund the entire season. The sad part is, you haven’t improved in the slightest. If anything, playing with people who are better than you and not improving is just a sign of your dedication to mediocrity. Maybe you should focus on your own team.” 

Stevens stood but was yanked back into his seat by the person beside him. Riko glanced at Jean and waved his hand. The four of them stood, and the rest of the team replaced them in their seats. Riko trained his eyes on Nathaniel for a moment before leading them onto the dance floor. 

They came to a stop in the middle of the crowd, and Riko leaned forward. “Mingle, why don’t you? It’s a party.” Nathaniel nodded, but kept glancing over to Kevin and Riko as he conversed with other teams. People flocked to the four of them, barraging them with endless questions about the perfect court and what pro teams they hoped to play for. A few players asked Nathaniel for an autograph and he didn’t question it, but scrawled his practiced signature onto the paper. By the time he looked up, he couldn’t see Kevin in the crowd anymore. 

“Jean!” Nathaniel shouted, clamping his hands around Jean’s wrist and pushing through the crowd of dancing people, “I can’t find them!” Panic rose in Nathaniel’s throat. He couldn’t tell how long Kevin and Riko had been gone- three, maybe four minutes? The longer it took to find them, the worse it would be. 

There were only two exits from the court, so Nathaniel and Jean split up. Nathaniel walked to the further exit on the Away side. The music dulled as he went through the locker room, but there was no noise aside from the banquet. Nathaniel left the locker room and found the foyer, but nobody was in there either. The door to one of the offices was closed, but the other was slightly ajar. Nathaniel took a deep breath and walked toward it, knowing that any silence around Riko was just as dangerous as anyone else screaming. 

Nathaniel’s eyes immediately found Kevin, but he felt rooted to the spot he stood at. Kevin was crumpled on the floor by the desk, blood pooling slowly around him, but Nathaniel couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Nathaniel forced himself to move, kicking the door shut behind him and kneeling. He still couldn’t see where the blood was coming from, but propped behind the door was an Exy racquet, dents in the handle and blood caking the edges. Nathaniel tried not to imagine what Riko had done, but Kevin was shaking and it was impossible not to picture. Nathaniel lifted Kevin to a sitting position, looking at him carefully. Kevin’s left eye was swollen shut, his nose and lip bleeding profusely. The rest of his body couldn’t have fared much better, but it was covered by black clothing, which did a good job at hiding the blood. Kevin’s left hand was twisted against his chest, cradled by his right, and Nathaniel realized with quiet shock that the majority of the blood was coming from there. His dominant hand. Nathaniel only hoped that it looked worse than it was. 

He fumbled around the desk for a first aid kit, but could do little other than pack gauze into the wounds he could see. Kevin wouldn’t let Nathaniel touch his wrist, so Nathaniel handed him the kit and watched as Kevin fumbled through it for sterile bandages and shoved them into his pocket.

When he felt the door open and slam against his leg, Nathaniel was filled with enough rage to slam Riko against the wall. But it wasn’t Riko, and Jean only stared widely at Nathaniel as he grabbed Jean’s shirt collar ferociously. Nathaniel loosened his grip in time for Jean to glance at the floor. Jean muttered curses in French and cupped Kevin’s face in his hands. 

“Can you walk?” Jean asked, after a moment, keeping his stare on Kevin’s face to avoid the blood. 

Kevin’s head fell to the side and he looked up with dull eyes, barely aware of what was going on around him. “I’m going to kill him.” Kevin said, but his voice broke as he did. 

“If he’s good enough to murder, he’s good enough to walk.” Nathaniel said, and crouched by Jean. “Do you want to handle this?”

“I can’t.” Jean said, clenching his fists as he looked at Nathaniel. Nathaniel didn’t have to ask why. If Jean helped Kevin, he would be as good as dead to Riko. So would Nathaniel, but Nathaniel didn’t care nearly as much. He could see the pain in Jean’s eyes as he stood, but Nathaniel didn’t say anything. “I’ll distract him if I can. Go.” 

Nathaniel nodded, slinging Kevin’s arm around his shoulder as Jean surveyed outside the room. 

“Empty.” Jean called, and Nathaniel listened to Jean’s footsteps click across the floor as he walked away. Nathaniel pulled Kevin up with him, trying to lean Kevin’s weight against him. He could feel his side press against Kevin’s arm, but Kevin wasn’t coherent enough to even let out a whimper at the pain. Nathaniel lugged him to the front of the building and then looked back. There was no trail of blood, that much was good. He watched the security guard out front cross the sidewalk, and hoped that his lap would be long enough to get them to the front. He walked as fast as he could, and Kevin’s shuffling feet did little to help their momentum. Nathaniel could hear the guard’s keys clanging, getting closer as the guard turned back in their direction. He pulled Kevin closer to him and crossed the street, slumping the both of them onto a bench that overlooked the front of the stadium. 

Nathaniel fumbled with his phone, bloody hands making the buttons harder to click, and called for a cab. He had no idea where to go, except maybe a hospital, and Kevin didn’t look like he’d be any help. 

As the cab pulled up to the curb, Nathaniel began lifting Kevin up again. “Wait.” Kevin slurred, and Nathaniel turned his head to look at Kevin.

“I need to get you to a hospital.” Nathaniel said carefully, and Kevin shook his head lightly in response. 

“No.” Nathaniel ignored Kevin’s protest and used one hand to open the cab door, then half lifted Kevin into the cab as gently and quickly as he could. 

“Where are we going?” The cab driver asked, not bothering to turn and look at the person bleeding out in the backseat. Before Nathaniel could speak, Kevin did. 

“Lexington.” The cab driver didn’t question it, but Nathaniel turned to look at Kevin. Lexington was almost two hours away, and Kevin had lost a lot of blood. Nathaniel wondered if he had family there, but as far as he knew, Kevin didn’t have any family left. Kevin rummaged around in his pocket until he got the roll of bandages, and then delicately began wrapping his hand as well as he could. Nathaniel couldn’t see how bad the injury was in the dark, but judging by Kevin’s winces and loud groans, it was worse than he had thought. It wasn’t long before Kevin passed out, and Nathaniel told himself it was from the pain and not the blood loss. 

The cab pulled up to a hotel in Lexington, Virginia two hours later. Signs out front proudly boasted that the Southeast District Exy Banquet was being held at University of Lexington this year, and Nathaniel’s confusion only deepened. He helped Kevin out of the cab, tossing one of the team’s credit cards at the cab driver, and slammed the door shut. Kevin pushed past him to the front desk, putting on his best press smile. Nathaniel didn’t listen to the question he asked, but waited carefully for the answer. Up one floor, room 222. The two of them fumbled up the stairs to the second floor, not wanting to risk a familiar face in the elevator. By the time they made it to the room, Kevin was slumped against Nathaniel’s side, breathing quickly and shallowly. Nathaniel lifted a fist and knocked urgently. The sound of footsteps came from the other side, and the door swung open. 

Nathaniel didn’t recognize the man at first, but staring into his shocked green eyes, it registered. He looked tired, or maybe it was the rough shape of his face and the deep wrinkles around his eyes that made him look different in person. 

Coach David Wymack of the Palmetto State Foxes stood before them, clear as day. He didn’t recognize Nathaniel, but as he looked at Kevin his expression faltered. He looked down, seeing the mess of bandages and blood that covered his hands. His expression shifted from recognition to concern as he ushered the boys into his room and locked the door shut. He walked past as Nathaniel helped Kevin into a chair. 

Nathaniel heard Wymack’s voice for the first time, heavy with the weight of the world, as he spoke to a woman that Nathaniel hadn’t even noticed in the room before. “You’re going to need your first aid kit.”


	4. NATHANIEL

Nathaniel waited on the back of the bus as Coach Wymack fetched the team from the banquet. The team filed on the bus, a combination of confusion and shock on their faces as they walked past Kevin, only half hidden under an oversized jacket next to Abby. Their confusion only deepened as they registered Nathaniel’s presence. 

Nathaniel looked from face to face as they sat. Dan Wilds was the first person he made eye contact with- and where she only recognized Nathaniel’s face, he knew plenty about her. She was an Offensive Dealer, the Foxes’ #1. Team captain, from high school to now- she got a lot of shit for being one of the rare women to make it onto a NCAA team, but she had more potential than the majority of her teammates. Coach Wymack had recruited her in North Dakota, on a trip where he intended to recruit Renee Walker, and was ‘inspired’ by the way she played. She looked at Nathaniel now as if he was more of a nuisance than a point of curiosity, and Nathaniel couldn’t help but enjoy that. Renee Walker, goalkeeper, came onto the bus next. She led a winning streak all through highschool with her blocking skills, but she wasn’t perfect. She was slower to block on her left side and the goal was wide open when you knew how to maneuver a good trick shot. Renee landed in North Dakota after her time in juvie- which almost surprised Nathaniel. A silver cross dangled from her neck and a polite smile seemed permanently plastered to her face- if Nathaniel had come across her before she joined the Foxes, he never would’ve guessed that she’d fit the team’s criteria. Juan, Dwayne, and Damien- decent players but Nathaniel wasn’t sure how they made it onto a college team- they never pushed themselves hard enough to stand out, at least in the Ravens’ eyes. Allison Reynolds, whose usual confidence was wiped off her face the second she spotted Kevin’s form. She was a defensive dealer worth going up against, but she didn’t stand a chance against Nathaniel. Seth, a striker- he brought more rage than precision to the court and that was often his downfall. Matt, a new addition to the team that seemed to be crumbling under the pressure- his year started off strong but everyone noticed a slow decline in his response time on the court. He had only just started building himself back up, and not in time for the team to make any noteworthy wins. Reggie was constantly on and off the bench, and Nathaniel couldn’t remember his stats off the top of his head. 

For the first time in a long time, Nathaniel met eyes with Andrew Minyard. Andrew had the potential to be the best professional goalkeeper that Exy had to offer, he single handedly kept the Foxes’ standing in the NCAA, but he seemed to hate the sport with a passion. Andrew accepted the position on the Foxes’ team, so long as his brother and cousin could secure spots on the team as well. Nathaniel flashed back momentarily to the day that Kevin tried to recruit Andrew, but Andrew had shot him down the whole time. Riko had rambled on and on about how Andrew was a waste of talent, and even Andrew himself seemed to share that sentiment. No matter how natural his goalkeeping skills were, Andrew refused to put effort in unless he felt like it. Even the promise of getting taken off his meds wasn’t enough motivation for Andrew to want to care. Even now, he stared at Nathaniel coldly, not even remotely concerned about his presence. 

Nicky Hemmick was one of the weaker links on the team, but upon first glance, Nathaniel had a feeling that he had far more to offer the team than his Exy skills. Nicky was the glue that kept Aaron and Andrew on the team- he had been the twins’ legal guardian and was probably the only one that could get through to Andrew. Andrew had nearly beaten several men to death for threatening Nicky, so his protectiveness had to come from some sort of familial connection. Aaron Minyard was somehow the polar opposite of his brother. Though their looks and stoic expressions were shared, Aaron didn’t seem to mind Exy. He was the stronger backliner of the two, with his small height came increased power and speed. Aaron had held up against some of the stronger teams, but in the end, the Foxes didn’t seem to get along long enough to pull through and win. It was common knowledge that if it weren’t for the addition of the unusual trio of cousins, the Foxes would’ve been kicked down to Class 2 at the end of the season. 

By now, the team had noticed the overwhelming scent of blood that spilled throughout the bus, and had settled into seats to look at Wymack expectantly. Nathaniel watched their reactions as Wymack slipped out of his jacket, revealing his blood-soaked shirt to everyone at once. Dan leapt to her feet, immediately inspecting Wymack for any sign of injury. Wymack only shook his head, silencing whatever questions or concerns she may have wanted to voice. Dan only held tight to Renee’s arm, hard enough to leave a mark but not hard enough for Renee to complain. Nathaniel thought the team seemed strangely concerned with Wymack’s well-being. 

“Listen up,” Wymack started, his gaze sweeping across the front two rows, “because what I’m about to say is non-negotiable, and I am not going to repeat myself. We are not going to repeat it, under any circumstance, to anyone. Friends, family, friends with benefits, lovers, I don’t care. One word of this gets out before we’re ready for people to hear it and a lot of people are going to get hurt. Tell me you understand me.” 

The Foxes took Wymack’s pause as a question and immediately a chorus of “Yes coach” rounded the bus. Even Andrew agreed, intrigue driving him to find out more about the situation. Wymack glanced at Nathaniel, then to Abby. The Foxes, one by one, seemed to look back and remember that Nathaniel was there. Wymack cleared his throat, and once again, all attention was on him. 

“There’s been an accident. Right now we are the only ones in a position to help him, so we are going to have a visitor for a while.” As the Foxes processed Wymack’s grief, Nathaniel mulled the word ‘accident’ over in his head. ‘Accident’ implies that Riko hadn’t just beat the shit out of Kevin with an Exy racquet. ‘Accident’ implied that it wasn’t pure rage and jealousy that caused this. An accident could’ve been prevented, but this? This was ineffable. The second that article came out, Kevin was doomed to this fate. 

“Coach?” Renee spoke up, prying for more information about the unconscious figure huddled on the seat behind Abby. 

“It’s Kevin Day.” Wymack said softly, as if he was afraid to be overheard. “He broke his left hand.” 

The bus was silent as the words washed over the team. Nathaniel saw the second it registered on their faces- Kevin Day was on their bus. Kevin Day, the vice captain of the Edgar Allan Ravens, one of the top ranked players in the NCAA, was passed out on their bus with a broken hand. 

A broken *left* hand. Kevin had made his career as a left-handed athlete. 

“Oh my god.” Dan whispered, horror dripping from her voice. 

“You’re fucking me.” Seth said in shock. 

In an instant, three of the boys were out of their seats, leaning over Abby to look at Kevin. They may have been some of the less formidable players, but they were strikers all the same. Kevin meant something to every striker in the NCAA, whether they wanted to be him or not. 

“Er, where’s-” Dwayne started, but was met with an elbow to the chest. Nathaniel tried not to wince at that question. Dwayne was wondering where Riko was- after all, nobody ever saw Kevin without Riko by his side. Nathaniel bit his tongue, knowing that it wasn’t the time or place to explain why he was here instead. Every interview, every press conference, it was Riko and Kevin together. Nobody had seen them apart since their rise to fame, and nobody expected to. 

“It’s not really broken…” Seth said, finally leaning away from Kevin and Abby. 

Wymack traced a pattern along the back of his hand and nodded. “Abby put the bones back in.” Seth jerked his hand to his chest at the mere thought, and the boys sat quietly down without another word.

“Uh, what’s he doing here?” Nicky finally asked, pointing his thumb toward Nathaniel. 

“Ooh, I’d like to know this one too.” Andrew grinned, and Nathaniel’s stomach twisted. With a sigh, Nathaniel stood and walked to the seat closest to everyone, and sat back down. 

“Someone had to bring Kevin here.” Nathaniel finally said, “And now, you’re giving me a ride back.” 

The Foxes glanced from one to another, eyebrows raised, but they didn’t object. Only Wymack looked startled at the statement. 

“Back to Evermore?” He asked, and Nathaniel crossed his arms and nodded. Wymack shook his head and looked away, gathering his thoughts, before turning back to his team. “Look, we don’t know what happened, but I do know Kevin wants to be left alone. You know what will happen if people find out he’s down south with us. We aren’t ready to face that kind of response; I don’t know if we ever will be. So we’re going to hide him until he doesn’t need to hide anymore.” 

“Yeah.” Juan finally said, “Yeah, no problem coach.” 

“Thank you.” Wymack said, and he disappeared to the driver’s seat. 

Nathaniel hung back to avoid getting caught up in conversation, but aside from uncomfortable stares, the drive stayed overwhelmingly silent. Nathaniel felt his heart start twisting in his chest as the roads turned familiar- Evermore was waiting. Nathaniel knew that Kevin could get out of this now, he had a way out of the contract, he had someone to take care of him. But if two members of the Perfect Court left the Ravens and joined a team of nobodies? The press alone would get Nathaniel killed, if not the Moriyamas. Nathaniel was far from stupid- at fourteen years old, he learned the real reason that he was being groomed to go pro. Nathaniel had been a nuisance for Kengo Moriyama, and his father, the leader of one of Kengo’s American based crime syndicates, had given him to the Moriyamas. Nathaniel was theirs now, and Exy was how they hoped to profit off him. Nathaniel had learned better than to deny them that.

Pulling up in front of Evermore made Nathaniel feel like his skin was on fire. Kevin was getting out, and Nathaniel wished it was him. No, Nathaniel reminded himself, Kevin broke his playing hand. Kevin lost everything to get out. Nathaniel could find another way. 

As Nathaniel stood to leave the bus, the faint smell of cigarette smoke stopped him in his tracks. It had been years since he had smelled a cigarette- the Ravens’ health was under strict management and smoking was expressly off limits. As Nathaniel took a deep breath, he could remember his mother’s face, a cigarette curled in her hand as she leaned against the kitchen window. 

The sound of German muttering snapped Nathaniel back into reality. Nathaniel settled on a Foreign Language major this year, but he’d been studying German and French since he was old enough to sneak in time alone. To the Moriyamas, it was a throwaway major, just like the Ravens were meant to have. To Nathaniel? It was hope. He could escape to Germany or France, somewhere the Moriyamas wouldn’t reach him. He knew that the Foxes would question it, so he kept his mouth shut, wondering when and why the cousins had bothered to learn German. 

“So, he’s running home to daddy.” Andrew mused, standing in the aisle to block Nathaniel from a quick exit. 

“Maybe he did it.” Aaron replied, glancing between Kevin and Nathaniel. Nathaniel could only look at him in confusion, so as not to give away his understanding. If they knew the truth, they wouldn’t be blocking him from leaving. 

“No, just look at his eyes.” Andrew said, as if that told them everything they needed to know. “The big bad wolf did this. Nathaniel’s just Little Red.” 

“Why would he go back?” Nicky replied, his brows furrowed in confusion. “The Ravens will never let him be anything, at least compared to Riko and Kevin.” 

“People think that it means something. To be on a team like that. To be marked for court. They don’t care that they’re being shoved into third or fourth place as long as people know their name.” Andrew shook his head and looked Nathaniel dead in the eye, “It’s pathetic.”

Nathaniel clenched his jaw and tried to shove past, but Andrew didn’t need much strength to block him. Nathaniel backed up, glancing at the other Foxes. This interaction didn’t seem unusual to them, nobody seemed to be giving it a second glance. Wymack only shouted a five minute warning before turning away from the confrontation. 

“Problem?” Nathaniel asked, glaring down at Andrew. Nathaniel was taller, but his shoulders weren’t as broad and his gaze wasn’t as complacent. Andrew had him trapped as long as he needed to. 

“Yes, you are.” Andrew said, running his thumb against his bottom lip in thought. “You know what happened, don’t you, Red?” 

Nathaniel grimaced, and held tight to the seat beside him. “Yes. I do.” 

Andrew stared at Nathaniel in a strangely piercing way, but he didn’t ask, and Nathaniel didn’t offer an answer. Finally, Andrew stepped slightly to the side. 

“Have fun running back to daddy.” 

Nathaniel shoved past him and only stopped at the front of the bus, turning to Wymack with an uneasy nod. Nathaniel didn’t know how to thank him, or if Wymack would even manage to keep Kevin safe, so Nathaniel only hoped he understood, and stepped off the bus. Castle Evermore stood before him, more a threat than a building, and Nathaniel straightened his spine and walked inside. 

Nathaniel knew everyone was back before he saw anyone. He was met by the empty halls in the nest, and the glimmer of light coming from under his bedroom door. Nathaniel pushed forward into the room, hoping that whatever he saw would be okay. Nathaniel had taken too long to come back, and even on his better days, Riko was merciless with Jean. Jean was expendable to him. If it had been Jean in that office instead of Kevin, there was no doubt in Nathaniel’s mind that Riko would’ve been the only one left breathing. 

Riko glanced up at the door opening and grinned. Nathaniel had showed up exactly where Riko wanted him. Jean was on his knees on the ground, his wrist tied to the corner of the bed hard enough to cut into his skin. His back was facing Riko, covered in purple and yellow layers of bruises, cuts on his shoulders that were old and deep enough that the blood had blackened and dried, fresh lines hatched across last night’s wounds. Jean caught Nathaniel’s eye, and Nathaniel understood immediately. 

He stepped forward, studying Riko’s face. Riko kept a calm, collected look, and made no objections as Nathaniel untied Jean’s hand as quickly as he could. Jean didn’t move- his hand stayed wrapped around the bedframe, his shoulders shaking until Riko spoke. 

“Go ahead Jean. Turn around.” Riko grinned, and Nathaniel could feel the edge in Riko’s voice like a sword running down his spine. Jean turned, slumping against Nathaniel. Nathaniel could now see that his back was the least of his problems- his chest looked like it had been attacked with a cheese grater, and his ribs had more bruising covering the surface than there was unwounded skin. Handprints were indented into Jean’s neck in deep blue, and his lip was split wide enough to need stitches. “Nathaniel, apologize to Jean.” Nathaniel snapped his head toward Riko, feeling a fierce combination of fury and guilt. 

If he had stayed, if he had left Kevin where he was, then Jean would be okay. But Kevin wouldn’t be. If Nathaniel had gotten someone to come get Kevin, even, then he and Jean could’ve protected each other. But he acted without thinking. And Jean understood the consequences as well as anyone. Nathaniel couldn’t let himself take the blame. Riko had the knife, Riko had the fists, Riko had the anger. 

“I’m sorry.” Nathaniel whispered, pulling Jean farther into his lap. Jean kept his eyes on Riko as Nathaniel held him up, whispering to him over and over. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left.” 

Riko raised a hand, and Nathaniel swallowed the words into the back of his throat. “Well,” Riko smiled, “I’m happy to see you two reunited. Should I bother asking where you took Kevin?” 

“He’s with David Wymack.” Nathaniel said, directing his gaze at the carpet. Riko’s hand shot out and grabbed the bottom of Nathaniel’s jaw, wrenching his head up hard enough for Nathaniel’s neck to let out a crack. Riko glared into Nathaniel’s eyes, and Nathaniel looked blankly back. 

“You want to know something funny, Nathan?” Riko sneered, dropping his hand and backing away slowly. Nathaniel shivered at the sound of his father’s name, he wanted to shrug it off, to run himself under hot water. He didn’t want the name Nathan anywhere near him. He held tight to Jean's shoulder, focusing on the feeling of Jean’s chest rising up and down. “You took Kevin all the way to see his daddy. Lucky little Kevin gets a family reunion and what do you get? Your piece of shit father is off murdering people in Baltimore, and your mother? Did I ever tell you I met her?” 

Those words felt like ice in Nathaniel’s veins. The edge in Riko’s voice, as if there was some terrible secret Nathaniel didn’t know. 

“Poor Mary. You know, the second day of your tryout, Mary came to see you. She came to take you, to run away with you. She got here five minutes too late- I swear she would’ve gotten you away if she’d only arrived earlier.” Riko smiled, and Nathaniel’s heart was pounding so hard in his ears that he could barely hear a word that Riko said. Every ounce of Nathaniel’s body felt like it was screaming. His throat might as well have been closing up because it was too much to breathe through. “I watched your father kill her.” Riko said, leaning forward just enough to brush Nathaniel’s hair out of his face. Nathaniel tried to focus his breathing, tried to tell himself it wasn’t true- his mother had to be alive, she had to be safe somewhere far away from this- but he couldn’t believe himself no matter how much he wanted to. So he gritted his teeth and looked down, focusing his gaze on Jean. Before Nathaniel could even move, Riko’s elbow shot out and hooked Nathaniel in the eye. White light pounded in his head, but he forced his eyes open again and back to Jean. 

“The two of you have cost me something very valuable.” Riko started, no more faux smile to cover his rage, “The entire world expected Kevin and I to be the future of Exy. It won’t be easy to cover this up.” Riko’s leg shot forward this time, clipping Jean’s shoulder hard enough to make him cry out. Nathaniel could feel Jean trembling, and held onto him as tightly as he could. Riko shook his head, turning away from Nathaniel to look back at Jean, “Kevin was supposed to be someone someday, Jean. You never will be.  
“That’s the difference between you and Kevin. Poor Jean, you have no use in this world. You are nothing, and you have always been nothing. You were given to me to repay a debt, and I can use you however I’d like. You are a pawn, and that is all you will ever be. Me? I’m the king.” Riko sneered. “You are my property. Don’t forget that.” 

There was a long silence as Riko surveyed the damage he’d done, and without another word, Riko walked away. The door slammed faster than Nathaniel could register Riko’s absence. With a shaky breath, Nathaniel lifted Jean onto his bed. “Can you sit up on your own?” Nathaniel asked gently. 

“Of course I can.” Jean winced, shifting his weight onto his arms. Nathaniel pulled the sewing kit and vodka from his bottom desk drawer and focused all of his energy onto stitching Jean’s wounds. 

“I didn’t know.” Jean said in quiet French, “About your mother.” 

“Neither did I.” Nathaniel said, wiping a cold washcloth along Jean's shoulder. The blood had soaked through their entire roll of paper towels and wasn’t anywhere near stopping yet.

“This wasn’t your fault.” Jean turned, grabbing Nathaniel’s wrist to stop him for a moment. “We decided this together.”

“I should have been here.” It was all Nathaniel could choke out. 

“Neil.” Jean whispered, and Nathaniel met his eyes carefully. Through the blood and bruises, Jean wore an expression that Nathaniel knew well. He didn’t know how much longer Jean could take it. This was all they could do. Nathaniel wanted to hurt Riko the way Riko had hurt Jean. He could feel a familiar rage in the pit of his stomach, an anger he had gotten from his father and had worked every day to keep out of his system. He wanted to destroy Riko, and he didn’t care what it cost him. 

“I…” Nathaniel didn’t know how to finish his sentence. He didn’t know how to handle this. Kevin wouldn’t be there to help them distract Riko anymore. This was just the beginning. 

“Neil.” Jean repeated, and Nathaniel looked up. Neil. It was the only part of his name that didn’t belong to his father. If Riko heard Jean or Kevin call him Neil, he could only imagine the reign of terror that would follow. But alone, it felt safe. It was a part of him that Riko couldn’t touch. “It will be okay.”


	5. NATHANIEL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My apologies to Jean Moreau, I really do love him.

Riko came down on the team relentlessly during practice the next week, and it only got worse the night after their first qualifying game. Jean had taken the brunt of the force while Nathaniel was in Virginia, so Nathaniel did his best to push himself further into Riko’s line of sight in order for Jean to recover. 

“You’ve really outdone yourself today.” Riko stood over Nathaniel. Riko had easily toppled him in the locker room after practice- the sheer force of an Exy ball hurled into someone’s stomach sent them to their knees every time. Nathaniel didn’t bother standing, he just stared up at Riko’s face silently. “You let that striker score on you three times. You could’ve stopped it every time but your head was too far up your own ass to bother playing the game properly.” 

Nathaniel had calculated every shot- he had leaned away or stumbled at just the right time to allow the striker past. He was good enough to make a spectacle of his own failure, but he didn’t expect Riko to be stupid enough to fall for it. 

“It won’t happen again.” Nathaniel said through clenched teeth. Riko grabbed a fistful of Nathaniel’s hair and yanked him to his feet, slamming his head back against the lockers. Nathaniel wasn’t in a position to do anything yet, but he let Riko’s fists rain down on him, closing his eyes and imagining the day that he would finally get to beat the living shit out of Riko. 

A sharp impact against Nathaniel’s ribs knocked the breath out of him, and he stumbled out of Riko’s grip and onto his hands and knees. Nathaniel watched his own blood drip onto the tile in front of him. He wasn’t sure if it was coming from his face or his chest, but either way it was too much to be okay. His body was overtaken by an unusual numbness- something entirely unfamiliar and terrifying. 

“Look at me, Nathaniel.” Riko spat. Nathaniel’s name sounded like poison in Riko’s mouth. He longed to rid himself of his identity, to destroy Nathaniel Wesninski once and for all, but it was impossible. He closed his eyes and reminded himself of how soft the name ‘Neil’ sounded in Jean’s voice, of how one day, however far away, Nathaniel would be no more. Nathaniel jerked his chin upwards and his eyes met Riko’s. It was all he could do not to glare the bastard down, but Nathaniel had learned years ago that defying Riko wasn’t worth it when he had no way out of the Nest. “Bow.” 

Riko was power drunk, which wasn’t unusual. With the recent upset of the starting lineup, Nathaniel knew that Riko would be viciously eager to force the team’s allegiance. Nathaniel couldn’t stop this, not yet. He took a deep breath and leaned down, letting his face brush against the floor. He tasted blood in his mouth, but worse than that he tasted regret and defeat. He hated that Riko could do this with no retribution, he hated the way Riko reveled in it. He ignored the searing pain in his ribcage and kept his body steady until Riko’s footsteps had long since faded down the hall. Nathaniel slumped face first onto the floor, running his fingers along the grooves in between the tiles.

Nathaniel wasn’t sure how long it took for Jean to appear at his side. He couldn’t focus on anything. There were blinding ceiling lights and Jean’s voice and the feeling of a needle jamming into his side, but Nathaniel faded in and out of consciousness.

He woke up in his bed, his body too raw to move. “Jean.” Nathaniel whispered. 

“What do you need?” Jean asked. 

“I don’t need anything, I-” Nathaniel shook his head, and a jolt of pain shot down his neck. He must have winced loud enough for Jean to hear, because in an instant Jean was by the side of his bed. 

“We were out of Advil. I couldn’t get any from the master’s office without getting caught.” Jean said, “Try not to move too much, okay Nathaniel?” 

“No.” Nathaniel said, shaking his head as softly as possible. “Please. Don’t call me that.” 

“Don’t call you Nathaniel?” Jean asked, and didn’t press when Nathaniel nodded. “Stop moving, you’re going to hurt yourself worse. What did you need?” 

“What happened?”

“You were stabbed. Not deep enough to get anything vital, though.” Jean said, and Nathaniel could only lean into his pillow and trust that Jean was right. Riko wasn’t dissimilar to Nathaniel’s father- their affinity for power and knives and pushing Nathaniel to the ground had often caused Nathaniel to draw vivid comparisons. Riko was different, though, he was manipulative and unhinged and he couldn’t act on logic to save his own life. 

“I don’t think I want to be court anymore.” Nathaniel said, after a long silence. The shock faded quickly from Jean’s eyes, into a solemn and resigned stare. He lifted Nathaniel’s blanket from the bottom of the bed and placed it over top of him. 

“You do.” Jean said. “And you will be. Just not like this.” Jean climbed into his own bed and stared at the ceiling. Nathaniel listened for footsteps in the hall and braced himself for the door to come crashing open, but the silence carried. “Goodnight, Neil.” 

Nothing could compare to the feeling of a tie game in the last minute. The rush Nathaniel felt when they were on a ticking clock, the way his breath hitched in his throat as he fought the other team all the way across the court. He didn’t have time to worry about anything other than the moment he was in. The deafening roar of fans echoed in Nathaniel’s ear as he pushed his legs to the breaking point. His racquet lifted just in time to catch the pass. The buzzer ticked off the last minute, and without a single step, Nathaniel eyed his mark and the goal. Nathaniel was supposed to be on defense, but he was still expected to score just as much as anyone else on the team. The opposing backliner’s arm lifted, threatening to flatten Nathaniel onto his back, but Nathaniel cradled his racquet and ducked, sending his mark stumbling. Nathaniel swung his arm with practiced ferocity, and the goalie dove for the ball. 

The buzzer sounded, and the goal lit up red.

The Ravens’ fight song was barely audible through the crowd’s frenzy as the teams lined up to shake hands. Nathaniel felt Riko come up behind him before he heard him, but it was unmistakably him- his presence could put a professional UFC fighter on edge. 

“You didn’t fuck up tonight. Don’t expect a pat on the back for that.” 

“I don’t.” Nathaniel said, thankful that his helmet could conceal his glare. Riko grabbed Nathaniel’s shoulder and wheeled their bodies to the side, waving to the press happily. Nathaniel could acutely feel all the bruises on his shoulders being shoved against Riko’s grip, but he made a show of waving to the cameras and acting proud of their win. To anyone else in the world, Nathaniel and Riko were close friends, celebrating a game. Of course, the rest of the world couldn’t hear Nathaniel plotting Riko’s murder in his head. 

“Press duty. Put on your game face.” Riko smiled. Nathaniel yanked his helmet off and hooked it under his arm, following Riko to the flock of reporters that awaited them.

“You played an amazing game tonight, a 15 to 14 win in the last second.” 

“Well, the best play against the best, but we always go in confident.” Riko laughed, and Nathaniel had to force a smile onto his face to keep himself from rolling his eyes. Nathaniel tuned out as the reporters asked questions about their season- when Riko was on press duty, nobody else got asked questions. It was his job to stand there and pretend the Ravens were a united front. 

“So, everyone’s noticed by now that Kevin Day is no longer on your roster. Do you have any comments on that?” 

Nathaniel felt Riko’s nails digging into his shoulder, but Riko didn’t falter. “Unfortunately, Kevin is no longer able to play. Over winter break, the team went on a ski trip up north. Kevin took on a particularly rough slope and lost his footing in a rocky area. He broke a few of the bones in his left hand.” The reporter’s shock was only outweighed by Nathaniel’s disbelief. A skiing accident? As if anyone would believe that the Ravens quit practicing to take a ski trip. Still, Nathaniel knew that Tetsuji and Wymack had inevitably discussed a cover story. “He’s taking some time to himself to recover, but the team plans to welcome him back with open arms if he decides to sign on as an assistant coach after he heals.” 

Riko didn’t wait to answer any more of the reporter’s questions- he pulled Nathaniel after him into the locker room where the rest of the team was changing out of their gear. 

The padding did little to cushion the blow as Riko shoved Nathaniel into the bench. In an instant, Nathaniel’s legs came out from under him and he slammed onto his back. The conversation in the locker room immediately hushed as Riko stomped out, leaving Nathaniel on the ground to catch his breath. Jean hauled Nathaniel to his feet and touched his side, checking to see if blood was leaking through his bandage. When he seemed satisfied, Jean returned to his locker and resumed changing, and everyone’s conversations resumed as if nothing had happened in the first place. 

Nathaniel didn’t wait to change clothes, limping to his room and shutting the door as delicately as he could behind him. His hands could barely grip the doorknob, they were numb and shaking as Nathaniel peeled his gear off in complete darkness. 

Half naked and trembling, Nathaniel crawled into bed and practiced German in his head. Before long, he reached onto his nightstand and grabbed his cellphone, fumbling with the buttons until the contact list appeared. He had been given this phone with two contacts programmed in- Riko and Jean. Now, a familiar third name had a slot at the bottom of the screen. Coach David Wymack. Nathaniel knew he would never call, even to check on Kevin like promised. The Ravens undoubtedly had some sort of bug on their phones, and Nathaniel couldn’t risk anyone knowing he had a line to the outside world unless his life depended on it. Still, it comforted him to stare at the name on his phone screen- one more little piece of his life that Riko couldn’t reach. 

He tucked the phone under his pillow and let sleep take over. 

Nathaniel woke to a jagged, splintering pain in his wrist. He could barely see his surroundings as his eyes adjusted to the dark. Nathaniel tried to move his hand but every muscle seemed to cry out in pain.

Jean knelt at the side of the bed, hushing Nathaniel quietly. He must have shouted, but he couldn’t remember anything other than the pain careening through his body. 

“It’s your only way out.” Jean whispered in French, and Nathaniel’s mind raced. “ I had to, I had to, I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t understand.” Nathaniel gasped, sitting upright. The pain in his arm was enough to make him want to vomit. He finally glanced down and immediately looked away in horror. His wrist jutted out at an impossible angle, the bruise blackening around his lower arm. 

“Kevin got out. I always thought it would be you.” Jean said, but his voice was almost too fast for Nathaniel to process, “They would never let all three of us get out. It would destroy the team. I have nothing else, Neil. Whether I leave or stay, I die.” 

Nathaniel took a deep breath and held out his unharmed arm. Jean grabbed Nathaniel’s phone from the floor where it had fallen and shoved it into his hand, holding tightly around his closed fist. “What-” 

“I had to do it. Your contract is broken, you can-”

“My WRIST is broken.” Nathaniel retorted weakly. Hurt flashed across Jean’s face, quickly replaced by sternness. 

“I had to get you out. You’ve always wanted out, and Kevin got out first. You were giving up.” Nathaniel finally registered what was happening and panic began to rise in his chest. His wrist really was broken. Jean broke his fucking wrist. “It’s the middle of the night. You have time.” 

“I’m not leaving you here to die.” Nathaniel said, certain that Jean was losing his mind. He didn’t have time to run away or make a plan, he didn’t have time to fix this. 

“If I go with you, there’s no excuse that can explain all three of us disappearing. They will find me and that betrayal will get me killed. But you can go. I can say that Riko broke your wrist when you fell today. I can say you went to the hospital and I don’t know what happened. They won’t risk losing me, not right now, not with you and Kevin gone.” Jean’s words were well thought out, but Nathaniel could tell that he didn’t truly believe what he was saying. 

“I can protect you.” Nathaniel said, “I can heal and I can come back here and-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Jean clapped a hand over Nathaniel’s mouth. “Plot your revenge somewhere else. I don’t have an out. Find me one later if you have to. But you have a way. Leave Nathaniel here. Leave him behind. Go.” 

Nathaniel could barely think straight as Jean yanked a jacket over his head and pushed him out the door. “Be smart, Jean.” He pleaded, in a last ditch effort. 

“Good luck, Neil.” Jean said, and he disappeared as the door clicked shut. 

Nathaniel didn’t have time to waste contemplating his options- Jean had made this decision for him, and Nathaniel wouldn’t be able to run for long without passing out from the pain. He slipped quietly up the steps and walked out into the parking lot. It had been weeks since Nathaniel stepped foot outside Castle Evermore without an escort, and that alone felt like a crime. 

Nathaniel didn’t let his feet stop moving, he hurried across campus while pulling up the contacts list on his phone. It was 2 in the morning- Nathaniel hesitated to dial the number- but he had no choice. The phone rang four times, and Nathaniel’s hope started to deplete as he listened to it ring. Finally, the receiver clicked on, and Coach Wymack’s voice muttered a foggy answer.

“Wymack?” Nathaniel asked, his voice threatening to break any moment. 

“Nathaniel? Why the fuck are you calling me this early?” 

“I, uh- I didn’t have anyone else to call.” Nathaniel could barely swallow, his throat felt like it was shutting down and his arm felt like it was on fire. It used all the strength he could muster to stay standing. “Can you meet me halfway? Someone’s going to notice I’m gone soon.”

“Jesus Christ.” Wymack whispered, and Nathaniel had a feeling that Wymack knew this was far more than he should bother dealing with. He heard the quiet jingle of keys on the other side of the line. “I’m on my way.”


	6. NATHANIEL

Nathaniel had managed to hitchhike two hours away from Edgar Allan, his nerves on edge the entire time. Every time he sat too long in a stranger’s car, he got lectures and offers to take him to a hospital. Nathaniel understood, of course, to them he was a battered teenage boy in a hoodie, careful to hide his face and avoid recognition. They must’ve assumed that he was a runaway or something, but Nathaniel didn’t care. If he was anywhere near campus when the sun came up, he would be locked away forever. His body had gone numb about thirty minutes after he left. He told himself that it was good, he could make it further on foot if he needed to, but Nathaniel knew that the absence of pain was probably a sign for the worse. It was far too long after the break for adrenaline to have a hold on him, his body felt more like it was shutting down. His injured arm was cradled to his chest in a makeshift sling from gas station medical supplies, and he didn’t dare look at it. Nathaniel didn’t want to think about what this meant for his Exy career. Of course, thinking about his Exy career would only make him think of the Nest, and of Jean, and of what the Moriyamas would do to the both of them now that Nathaniel had run away.

David Wymack found Nathaniel in the parking lot of a Love’s Truck Stop. The sun had long since come up and the parking was fortunately large enough for Nathaniel to hide between commercial trucks. Nathaniel spotted Wymack the second he drove up- he looked like he had been cheated out of a year of sleep, in a battered undershirt and pajama shorts, his stereo blasting nondescript country music that woke Nathaniel from his daze. His car pulled up and the engine shut off as Wymack got out to take a look at Nathaniel. He showed no emotion, an intentionally calculating look on his face as he looked him up and down. 

Nathaniel’s cheeks were still battered and bruised, but the worst of the damage was tucked away under his sweatshirt. Wymack opened the passenger door and helped Nathaniel in, not stopping to ask why his right arm was bunched up under his clothes rather than sticking out of his sleeve. Nathaniel appreciated the silence, not sure if he would even be able to explain how he got in this situation. They sat quietly in the parking lot for a moment before Nathaniel decided to speak up. 

“I’m sorry you had to drive four hours. I couldn’t hitchhike in the daylight.” 

Wymack’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Nathaniel. “You hitchhiked all the way here? What on God’s green earth possessed you to do that?” 

“I left my wallet in my room.” Nathaniel shrugged, sending quick jolts of pain through his body. He was glad for the feeling- he had given up hope on feeling anything in his arm again. 

“Do I want to ask what happened?” Wymack asked, and Nathaniel shook his head. Wymack only nodded and pointed to the seatbelt. Nathaniel fumbled as he tried to buckle up with his left arm until Wymack reached out, clicking the seatbelt in place. “I swear to god, if one more half dead Raven shows up at my door-” He stopped mid sentence, turning on the car and glancing at Nathaniel. Riko had claimed that Wymack was Kevin’s father, which explained why he took Kevin in so easily, but Wymack had no obligation to Nathaniel. He wasn’t sure if the anger in Wymack’s voice was genuine, or if he was trying to distract from the situation at hand. Wymack had a reputation for taking in the basket cases, everyone on his team had a sob story worthy of it's own news article. The Ravens had always assumed it was a publicity stunt, but with how poorly the team seemed to function at times, Nathaniel figured that Wymack had enough work cut out for him that he would know better than to build a team like that for publicity. Maybe Wymack was more of the savior-type than he seemed, or maybe he was trying to make up for something, but either way he had come through for a complete stranger like Nathaniel the second his safety was in question. Nathaniel leaned his head against the window and tried to sleep through the drive. 

Wymack woke Nathaniel when they arrived. His surroundings were unfamiliar- they pulled into one of many driveways in a neighborhood lined with little houses. 

“I already told Abby we were coming.” Wymack said, shutting off the car. Nathaniel remembered Abby from the hotel room, he had watched Abby set Kevin’s bones and wrap his hand. She was gentle and precise, and her medical bag was stocked with more stuff than Nathaniel had seen in the infirmary. He wondered how she wound up with a team like the Foxes. 

Wymack got out of the car first, offering to open Nathaniel’s door. Nathaniel declined and watched as the coach went up to the house and walked inside without knocking. Nathaniel  
Leaned against the car door, struggled his way out of the seat, and used his body weight to slam the door shut. He walked inside slowly, taking in his surroundings as quickly as he could. Unfamiliar places made Nathaniel’s skin crawl- he felt entirely out of his element. He glanced to his left, half expecting to see Jean’s familiar face next to him, but noticed the dining room table instead. Nathaniel had spent so long resenting Jean’s constant presence that he hadn’t realized how much they really relied on one another. The guilt that bubbled it’s way up in Nathaniel’s stomach felt uncontrollable.

Nathaniel slumped to his knees in the middle of the living room floor, hot tears threatening to fall from his eyes. As footsteps approached, he blinked hard and forced the tears not to fall. Abby stood in front of him, a polite but concerned smile on her face. Nathaniel fumbled to his feet, his balance thrown off completely by his immobile arm. 

“Hello Nathaniel.” Abby said, as if this was just another day for her, “It’s nice to see you again, though I wish it were under better circumstances.” 

“Hi.” Nathaniel said, and Abby turned on her heels to lead him to the table. He followed, setting himself in a chair at the end of the table. Abby set a bag on the table and rifled through it to find supplies. Wymack sat across from them at the table, ready to offer a helping hand if needed. She didn’t say a word as she cleaned the wounds on his face, but as soon as she set down the antiseptic wipes, Nathaniel knew he would have to speak up. “Uh, I’m not sure I can get my sweatshirt off on my own. But my arm, it’s uh… pretty bad.”

Abby nodded and stood up, “Do you want me or David to help you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Nathaniel shrugged, and Abby only nodded again as she gently pulled his sweatshirt over his head. He watched her eyes widen in concern as she saw his arm, wrapped up in numerous rolls of stretchy bandage to keep it clung tightly to his chest. As she unwrapped it carefully, the look on her face kept flipping between pity and outrage. Nathaniel said nothing as she examined the bones, pressing lightly against different spots on his arm. She pressed right beneath the part where the bone seemed to jut out the most and glanced up. 

“Does that hurt too bad?” She asked, her voice calm and measured.

“No. I haven’t been able to feel it since this morning.” He said. Abby looked over at Wymack, who kept a stern expression on his face the entire time. She turned back to Nathaniel with a sense of determination and cradled his arm in her hands. 

“That’s your body adjusting to the pain as it tries to set the bones. I’m going to have to push the bones back into place so they don’t heal like this, okay Nathaniel?” 

“Okay.” Nathaniel said, but he wasn’t prepared for the electric shock that went through his body as she pushed the bone down into his arm. His mind throbbed as she wrapped it up and slipped it into a sling, his vision had gone blurry enough that he could barely see her as she worked. 

“You’re going to have to go to a hospital, I can’t fix this on my own.” Abby said finally, zipping everything into her bag. 

“I can’t.” Nathaniel said. “The second I check into a hospital, they’re going to find me.”

Abby glanced at Wymack again before grabbing Nathaniel’s left hand and looking at him pointedly. “If you want to use your right arm again, you have to go to a hospital. You probably need pins to hold your bones together until they heal.” 

Nathaniel’s mind raced. He had broken a few bones before, he could remember going to the hospital as a kid- the endless poking and prodding and the groggy feeling from the pain medication. The older he got, the more strict his father got about it- if he went to the hospital, the doctors would have to do a physical, and the scars they saw would mean that he could be taken by the state. The Ravens never let them go to the hospital- they had an infirmary in Evermore to take care of their “athletic injuries”. The second Nathaniel’s name was registered in a hospital, Tetsuji would know he was in South Carolina, and it would only be a matter of time before they dragged him back to Evermore. 

“No.” Nathaniel said again. “He wouldn’t have broken it bad enough for me to need surgery. He said-” He stopped, noticing the way Abby’s eyebrows raised as he mentioned Jean. He didn’t know these people- they were Kevin’s family, not his. This was something he had to keep to himself. “I’m not going back to Edgar Allan. I’m not going to the hospital. I’m sorry.” 

There was a long pause as Abby contemplated his words, probably trying to find a way to convince him and coming up blank. 

“You can stay in my guest room tonight, but the team is coming over for dinner tomorrow so you can go to David’s when you wake up.” She said. She laced her fingers together and stood up, gesturing for Nathaniel to follow. “I’ll show you where everything is.”

Nathaniel followed her for the tour around the house as she handed him towels and pointed out the empty room down the hall. 

“If you need me for anything, it’s okay to wake me up. And Nathaniel…” She smiled again, but he could see that she was thinking about a lot of things she couldn’t say, “We won’t let them take you back there.” 

Nathaniel watched as she walked away, returning to the kitchen to talk to Coach Wymack, and he sunk into the desk chair in the open bedroom. Nathaniel may have been hiding from the Moriyamas now, but if word got out that he ran away, his father would be coming after him too. The prospect of being forced to work with the Moriyamas again was infinitely more appealing than the image of his father that forced its way into his mind. Nathaniel had hoped he’d never see that face again, and at least under Tetsuji’s care he knew that he wouldn’t. Now, out in the open, away from anyone who had a vested interest in keeping him alive, Nathaniel suddenly felt much weaker and more frightened than ever before. He wanted to call Jean, to make sure he was okay- he could only imagine the terror going through Jean’s mind alone right now, but Nathaniel knew that phone call would get noticed. He couldn’t check on him no matter how much he wanted to.

Nathaniel could hear muffled shouting in the kitchen, and it wasn’t hard to conclude that it was his fault. He crept out of the bedroom and leaned against the wall in the hallway, making out bits of the conversation as well as he could. 

“What the hell are they doing to these boys, David?” Abby shouted, “This is the second time I’ve had to do this, they are destroying these kids and if it happens again, it might be too bad for me to fix. We have to do something.” 

“We can’t do anything. Kevin warned us. It’s out of our league.” 

“We don’t know what happened to Kevin, and I have a feeling Nathaniel isn’t going to be open about it either. We can’t just let them keep doing this.” 

“What are we supposed to do about it? We can’t just-” Nathaniel didn’t wait to hear the rest of the argument. He couldn’t tell Abby and Wymack that they were dealing with the yakuza and that no amount of determination could help them put up a worthwhile fight. He walked back down the hall and stepped into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He struggled with his shirt, finally pulling it over his head and letting it fall onto the bathroom floor. He looked blankly at the mirror and tried not to recoil. Nathaniel was angry that he looked so much like his father- the cold blue eyes staring back at him made him want to sink into the floor. He had spent so much time in West Virginia that he had forgotten what a threat his father really posed. If Nathaniel was spotted with the Foxes, it wouldn’t take long for news outlets across America to spread that story. Even if the Moriyamas let him and Kevin go, Nathan Wesninski had enough connections to get to Nathaniel in an instant. No amount of security could change that. 

Nathaniel let the scalding water of the shower run across his body until it was numb again. He stayed under the water until it ran cold, forcing his mind away from his father and the Moriyamas and Jean, and focusing on the red tinted water pooling at his feet. Even if it wasn’t for long, he was out. He got away. He may be killed in an alleyway the second he got spotted, or never be able to play again, but he got away. 

The prospect of never playing Exy again was scarier than he thought it would be. For years, the only thing that kept Neil going was Exy. The weight of the racquet in his hands, the rush of running across the court and fighting until he won, the way the goal lit up red when he swung- it drove him. It kept him going. Even when he slept, Nathaniel pictured the court in his head and went over plays and drills that would give him the edge in his games. He wasn’t willing to lose this. But he wasn’t willing to go back to West Virginia either. Nathaniel got out of the shower more pissed off than before, and changed back into his clothes before he was fully dry. 

The house was silent when he finally walked back out to the living room. Wymack sipped coffee on the couch and Abby was bent over various pots and pans in the kitchen. He went straight for the entryway to grab his shoes before realizing that he hadn’t worn any. He left in the middle of the night without even enough time to get ready. Nathaniel opened the front door, glancing around the street to make sure he didn’t see anyone. 

“I’m going for a run.” Nathaniel slipped out the front door, breathing in the chilly January air. 

“Dinner will be ready soon!” Abby called after him. 

Time seemed to pass differently in South Carolina. Nathaniel’s feet carried him wherever he wanted to go, but he didn’t push his speed. His body still felt tired and sore no matter how gently his feet hit the pavement. Nobody was expecting him back at a certain time, he didn’t have to slip into the building and hope that nobody noticed he left, he didn’t have to prepare for Riko’s fury for staying out too long. He let himself run until the breath was knocked out of his lungs and the world was a blur around him. His heart pounded in his ears and he focused on that instead of the thoughts that had been trying to force their way into his brain. 

Nathaniel sat at the dinner table with Abby and Wymack long after their plates had been cleared. He wasn’t ready to be alone, he was used to the presence of someone else in the room with him at all times. 

“Well,” Wymack said, “I don’t want to leave Kevin alone for too long. I should get back.” Wymack stood up, the chair making a loud scraping noise against the hardwood floor. 

“Wait.” Nathaniel said, standing up quick enough that his chair toppled onto the floor with a loud clatter. He flinched at the sound, shooting Abby an apologetic look. “I need to see Kevin.” 

Wymack nodded to Abby, who sent a reassuring look Nathaniel’s way. “You’re welcome here anytime if you need space.” Abby said. 

“Thank you.” Nathaniel said, not knowing if it was for the offer or for the way she patched him up without asking questions. 

Nathaniel followed Wymack to his car, clicking his seatbelt into place quick enough that help didn’t have to be offered. The drive was short, but Nathaniel watched every turn, keeping a mental note of where they went in his head. It was easy to remember all the turns and flip them around in his head in case he needed to get back to Abby’s.

Wymack lived in an apartment building on the edge of the Palmetto state campus. Nathaniel walked silently with him through the building and up the elevator until they came to the right room. To his relief, the halls were relatively empty and they didn’t run into a single person who seemed to recognize Nathaniel. 

They walked into Wymack’s apartment, and Nathaniel took a long look around the place. It was small, a kitchen, a table, a living room, and two doors that he assumed could only be the bedroom and bathroom. Sitting on the table, knees propped on a chair and mouth on a bottle of whiskey, was Andrew Minyard.


	7. NATHANIEL

It was easy to tell Andrew and Aaron apart- not just from their expressions and the way they talked, but from the way they dressed. When Andrew was off the court, he looked entirely different. He wore all black, head to toe, and his patented elbow-length arm bands were always on. Nathaniel wondered if the arm bands served a purpose or just made it easier for the team to identify him. It wasn’t dissimilar to how the Ravens had everyone dress for public outings- their clothes had to be black and red, always matching the rest of the team. Nathaniel much preferred baggy graphic tees and jeans, but with the amount of time they spent on the court, he was rarely out of his uniform. Even now, Nathaniel had on an Edgar Allan hoodie, his shirt from practice, and a spare pair of basketball shorts. It wasn’t until his shower that he realized the hoodie wasn’t even his- the number 4 emblazoned on the back meant that it was Jean’s. That sent a twinge of guilt through Nathaniel’s spine, but he couldn’t take a minute to reflect on it if he wanted to keep it together. Nathaniel hadn’t had time to grab spare clothes, but he figured he could borrow something from Wymack. Wymack was significantly taller and more muscular than Nathaniel, but something of his would cover the scars just fine. 

Andrew glanced at Nathaniel, seemingly unsurprised that he was in South Carolina. He figured Wymack must have told Kevin, but Andrew knowing was unexpected. 

“You look like shit.” Andrew said, glancing from Nathaniel’s arm to his face.

“Thanks.” Nathaniel said, unamused, “Where’s Kevin?”

“Grounded.” Andrew said blankly. He watched Nathaniel’s glare as he got riled up before speaking again. “Kevin was being very obstinate, so I sent him to bed with no dinner.”

“You’re not funny.’ Wymack said, tossing his keys on the counter. He gave Neil a pointed look, “I’m going to check on him.” 

Andrew feigned shock and put his hand against his chest, “What, you don’t trust me? That hurts, David.” 

Coach Wymack rolled his eyes, snatching the bottle of whiskey out of Andrew’s hand on his way to the bedroom. Nathaniel started to follow, but Andrew quickly hopped off the table and stood directly in his path. 

“So.” Andrew started, “You get tired of playing second fiddle to the mafia boys?” 

Nathaniel snapped his attention toward Andrew, unable to contain his shock. Kevin told him, but how much? Andrew grinned, amused by the surprise on Neil’s face. Nathaniel was filled with unease as he stared at Andrew’s dead eyes, and his smile that was as unnatural as it was forced. 

“I’m not talking to you about this. I need to see Kevin.” Nathaniel said, trying once again to push past Andrew. In an instant, Nathaniel was shoved back against the nearest wall, unable to use both his arms to push back. Andrew’s left arm had his chest pinned back and the right had something cold and metallic pressed against Nathaniel’s stomach. Nathaniel shivered at the familiar feeling of a blade against his skin- his father's favorite weapon had been a cleaver, and Riko's had been a pocketknife. Nathaniel was no stranger to the sharp end of a knife digging into his body. He didn’t bother fighting back, he knew it wasn’t worth it in his current state. With another small shove, Nathaniel hissed at the pressure against his arm, and Andrew let go. He stood back, hovering close enough to intercept again if Nathaniel walked away. 

“That’s not going to happen. Kevin and I had a little chat. He’s under my protection now. You don’t go near him unless I say you can. And as far as I’m concerned, you’re still one of them.” Andrew stood far enough for Nathaniel to see it now- the knife twirling between his fingertips. Even with the familiar weapon in his hands, the threat of Andrew was different than Riko or his father- Andrew didn’t rely on blind rage, his eyes weren’t bright and violent. He looked at Nathaniel as if he was nothing more than an inconvenience. 

“I’m not going to hurt Kevin.” Nathaniel said, stepping closer to Andrew. 

“See, I don’t know that for a fact.” Andrew slid the knife delicately into his armband and hooked his finger into the collar of Nathaniel’s sweatshirt, pulling him close enough that he only had to whisper. “You told me you knew what happened to Kevin. Then ran right back into the arms of the people who did this to him. That either makes you a coward or a traitor.” 

Nathaniel yanked himself out of Andrew’s grip and held onto his sling with his left arm. “I went back to protect Jean.”

“Ahhh, yes. Jean. So, where is he? Hanging out at Abby’s?” Nathaniel turned his head away. He couldn’t explain what happened. It still barely made sense to Nathaniel, he didn’t have a way to explain everything that led him to this moment, standing here in Coach Wymack’s apartment. He couldn’t even understand why Wymack came to get him in the first place. Andrew took his silence for an answer. “I see. You left Jean Valjean alone with the mafia. How noble of you, he must have really appreciated the protection.” 

“Stop talking about things that you don’t understand.” Nathaniel snapped, not wanting to talk about this further. Thinking about Jean alone at Evermore felt like a knife twisting further and further into his gut.

“Make me understand.” Andrew said, sitting down on the edge of the table. “Convince me I can trust you, and I’ll go. Then you and Kevin can have a sleepover and toast marshmallows and have a pillow fight.” Andrew glanced at Nathaniel’s arm and cracked a smile. “Well, maybe a pillow fight is a little too hardcore for you right now.” 

“What do you want me to say, Andrew? I’m tired of this and I need to see Kevin.” Nathaniel said, holding tightly to the bottom of his sweatshirt. Jean’s sweatshirt.

“Why did you come here?” Andrew asked. 

“Wymack is the only person I could’ve called that wouldn’t have dragged me back to the stadium.” Nathaniel said. It was a simplified answer, but it was as honest as he could be until he understood what exactly Andrew knew.

“And you coming here means that Riko is twice as likely to come for the both of you. Why did you leave Jean?” 

“Stop asking about Jean.” 

“Why did you leave Jean?” Andrew repeated.

“That isn’t a fair question.” Nathaniel said, trying not to sound frustrated. 

“Why. Did. You. Leave. Jean?” 

Nathaniel sighed, taking a moment to consider his answer. He didn’t want to leave Jean, but it wasn’t a choice. It didn’t feel like a choice. “He told me to. He wouldn’t come with me.” Andrew contemplated Nathaniel’s answer before responding. 

“Why didn’t you run off to find your family? Problems at home?” Andrew asked, and Nathaniel forced the image of his mother out of his mind. It would be impossible to gain Andrew’s trust if he explained that his father was basically a crime lord and his mother was likely dead. He still hadn’t wrapped his head around the latter- there was hardly time to think about it since Riko mentioned it. 

“They would’ve sent me back.” Nathaniel said, deciding it was the safest answer he could go with. He was tempted to say ‘or killed me’ but knew it would open a line of questioning about his parents that he wasn’t willing to answer. “I belong to the Moriyamas, not them.” 

“Tragic. I’m tired of asking questions.” Andrew said, sitting on the chair. Nathaniel glanced at the bedroom door, wondering if he was safe to walk away now. Andrew shot him a threatening look, and Nathaniel stayed in place. He realized that Andrew wasn’t going to talk until he did, so he went over everything in his head. By the time he’d come up with enough half-truths to get past Andrew, he’d forgotten everything he wanted to say to Kevin. 

“Okay.” Nathaniel started, “I was given to the Moriyama family when I was a kid. I grew up with them, I trained with them, and I hated them. I am not the person Kevin needs protection from. I brought him to Wymack, remember? I got him out. I wouldn’t come all this way to hurt him. If I take him back, there’s no way I’m getting out again. I wouldn’t risk that.” 

Andrew didn’t bother looking at Nathaniel at first, instead staring at his nails as if he was inspecting them. He finally looked up, unconcerned, and pointed at Nathaniel’s arm. “Who did it?” 

“It’s complicated.” Nathaniel answered. Andrew only stared incredulously at him in response, waiting for an answer. “Fine. Jean broke it.” 

“Lover’s quarrel?” Andrew asked, pouting his bottom lip out in a mockingly sad expression. 

“He thought the only way I could get out was while everyone was preoccupied over Kevin. It was the only way to break my contract and get me out alive.” 

“You’re going to let Jean die in your place.” Andrew laughed, and Nathaniel clutched his stomach. The world felt dizzy around him- he wasn’t sure if it was guilt or grief spiralling through his body but it was incapacitating.

“I’m going to see Kevin now.” Neil said through clenched teeth. 

“One of these days, you’re going to have no choice but to be honest with me, Red.” Andrew waved a hand in dismissal, “I’m bored of you.” He grabbed a bottle of gin that he’d stashed under one of the chairs and flicked the cap off in one quick motion. Nathaniel watched as he walked out of Wymacks apartment, and collected himself before starting off to the bedroom. 

He pushed the door open, noticing Wymack first. He sat on a desk chair, flipping through a pile of papers that he had scattered across the bed. Kevin sat on the far corner of the bed, looking infinitely better than the last time they had seen each other. Kevin looked up, eyes widening in a cross of shock and relief. 

“Neil! I didn’t believe Wymack when he told me where he was going.” Kevin said, getting quickly to his feet. Wymack glanced up at the sound of the name Neil, but returned to his pile just as quickly. Kevin’s arm was still in a cast, but his bruises had healed completely. He looked Nathaniel from head to toe, frowning as he looked over Nathaniel’s various injuries. His eyes came to rest on the sling that held Nathaniel’s right arm. 

“Riko didn’t-” Kevin began, looking quickly up at him. Nathaniel’s eyes darted to Wymack, who appeared to be immersed in whatever paperwork he had in his hands. 

“No.” Nathaniel said, switching to French. “Jean is the one who did it.” The disbelief was plastered all over Kevin’s face the second he heard Jean’s name. “To get me out.” 

Kevin nodded, shaking his head at Nathaniel’s state. “We’re totally fucked, aren’t we?” 

“Probably.” Nathaniel agreed. 

“Is Jean okay?” Kevin asked.

“He wasn’t. Then he was. I doubt he is now.” Nathaniel said, remembering Jean’s face as they said goodbye. He had given up everything to get Nathaniel out, and Andrew was probably right. Nathaniel would be the death of Jean. 

Kevin sat on the bed again, leaning his head into his hands. He looked up at Nathaniel, face still half covered. “There are about a thousand ways this could go terribly wrong.” 

“More like a million.” Nathaniel said. 

Nathaniel stepped back as Coach Wymack stood and walked out of the room. Nathaniel walked over, sitting on the bed beside Kevin. He remembered what Jean had told him, and cleared his throat. “I don’t want to be Nathaniel anymore. Jean told me to leave it all behind. I want to leave it behind.” 

Kevin nodded, and pressed a careful hand against his back. He picked Wymack’s bottle of whiskey up off the nightstand and unscrewed it, taking a long drink before handing it over. “We are absolutely fucked, Neil.”


	8. JEAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is short but it's a taste of Jean's perspective, which will happen a couple more times!

It was weeks before Jean was allowed to return to the Ravens’ practices. He was let out of the Nest strictly to maintain appearances in games, but Riko kept him under lock and key. The day after Neil got out, a new deadbolt was installed in his room from the outside. The only people who dared to touch that deadbolt were Riko and Tetsuji. Nathaniel’s phone number had been deleted from Jean’s phone, though Jean assumed that Neil had long since changed it.

The first day was filled with an aching silence- as soon as word spread of Neil leaving, Riko was gone. Jean was locked into his room, and nobody came for him until their hopes of tracking down Neil had passed. Then came the torturous nights spent with Riko. 

Riko pressed him for information, knowing Jean only had so much willpower and would break if it would save his life. Jean had little to live for other than Exy- he had nowhere to turn if everything came crashing down. Riko would trace old wounds with the tip of his pocket knife, tearing them open just enough to drip fresh blood onto his clothes. Jean had made sure not to ask Neil any questions- he made it a point to know nothing about his escape plan. Deniability was all that kept Jean from cracking. 

The feeling of a knife in his shoulder blade reminded Jean of the deep puncture wound on Neil’s chest that he had stitched closed. The crush of Riko’s boot along Jean’s windpipe reminded him of cleaning up bloody shoe prints, time after time in the locker room. The precision with which Riko carved the number “4” over and over into Jean’s skin reminded him of the freedom he had promised Neil.

“Know your place.” Rang in his ears, day in and day out. Jean couldn’t distinguish between day and night anymore. His room had no windows and somehow the empty bed felt more suffocating than Neil’s constant presence. Jean no longer had a refuge down the hall with Kevin when Riko was gone. He had nobody to prop him up or stitch his wounds, nobody to speak French in hushed tones with.

Jean had held onto his language out of spite. Riko hated the foreign sound, his anger and panic made him believe that everything Jean said in French was an attempt to tear Riko down. Jean held onto his language for moments like these- when everything was empty and silent and yet he could not speak his mind without fearing that he’d be overheard. He held onto it because it was the only thing he had that was truly his. He shared it with Kevin and Neil because they brought trust into something that Jean had been forced to hold onto like a secret. But now, in the solitude of his room, it was all Jean had. French was to Jean what Neil was to Nathaniel, and what that letter was to Kevin. They were the only slivers of their old life they had left. They were full of questions about who they could’ve been, if only this life hadn’t handpicked them. He returned to French when he whispered his “I’m sorry”s and careful “I hope you got out”s. Every once in a while, when Jean was sure that nobody was coming, he even said “I wish I went with you.” 

Whispers of Nathaniel laid bare across their room and taunted Jean. Some nights, it felt like a promise. Jean would slip on Nathaniel’s sweatshirt, running his fingers over the number three stitched into the back. He had accidentally given Neil his own sweatshirt that night- but he was grateful for it. He had something to hold onto, even if it was a memory of how dramatically everything changed. Nathaniel had been left behind in West Virginia, but Neil was free. Everything he had been built for and forced to be was sitting inside their room, and that tiny sliver of his real self he held onto had gotten him out. 

Even now, cowering beneath Riko in a dimly lit room, Jean held onto the fact that Neil was free.  
“Where did he go?” Riko asked, for what seemed like the thousandth time. The Master stood in the corner, his presence more daunting than his nephew’s in spite of his silence. 

“The hospital.” Jean repeated- the same answer he always gave. Riko’s knife clicked into place and brushed against the nape of Jean’s neck, sending goosebumps throughout his body. Jean wasted no time worrying about what he had to do to get Neil out- it was a simple news article that gave him everything he needed. A broken wrist only takes six weeks to heal- one of the simplest bone injuries you could get, yet it impacted his playing enough to void his contract. Broken toes or a broken finger wouldn’t have done the trick- everyone on that team had played through worse. 

The Master crossed over to stand next to Riko, using his cane to knock Riko’s knife to the ground. “We have an infirmary. You know better than to go to the hospital unless you have an escort.”

Jean kept his head bowed and his eyes up. “His bone was sticking out of his arm- nobody was in the infirmary to help.” 

The Master’s cane reached out and cracked loudly against Jean’s cheekbone, sending him to the ground in a quick motion. The burning sensation in Jean’s cheek spread across his face, like fire jolting through his skull. He could practically feel the black eye forming. 

“You let him go.” The Master said, reaching out and yanking Jean back to his knees. “You let Nathaniel go without telling me. You should have known he would run off- you are responsible for him as he is responsible for you.” 

“Yes, master. I’m sorry.” Jean said, bracing himself for another blow. The Master only backed up again to allow Riko to take the reins. 

Riko’s method was cruel and cutting- Jean struggled to hold himself still as he felt the scream of his skin against stainless steel. Riko carved into his arms, over and over, until the number four took up more space than there was empty skin. Hot blood leaked over fresh wounds, making his skin sting with every slight motion he made. Riko’s knee came up and connected with Jean’s chin, hard enough that his teeth clamped down against his tongue. The taste of metal overwhelmed Jean’s senses, blood leaking out of his mouth. He spat it onto the floor, only to have Riko’s palm slap the side of his face harder than before. 

The Master stood still in the corner of the room, but his voice carried firmly to Jean. “Starting tomorrow, you will be practicing with the team again. You will say nothing. You will not answer questions, you will not even say hello to anyone. Your mouth will stay shut until we decide what we want to say about the missing player on our team.” Jean clenched his fists and nodded, not trusting his voice to come out strong. The Master didn’t bother to look at him as he stalked out of the room, leaving Riko alone to face Jean. Riko grabbed Jean’s chin, his fingers like iron, sending a chill through Jean’s body.

“You belong to me.” Riko snarled, “Do not disobey me again.” Riko withdrew his hand, leaving Jean bloody and breathless. He watched Riko leave the room, listened to the deadbolt click into place, and heaved himself up onto his bed. Jean pulled the sweatshirt out from where he had tucked it- between the mattress and the bed frame- and folded it up on top of his pillows. He felt pinpricks along his arm as he leaned into the bed, his head still throbbing in pain as he rested against the makeshift pillow. He ran his finger along the number three, letting the aching, screaming feeling in his body slowly go numb. 

Jean hoped for news of Neil’s safety, but more than that, he hoped for no news at all. The longer Neil stayed hidden, the longer Jean knew that it had been worthwhile. He would let every cut and slice and kick and blow remind him that Neil and Kevin were free. He would let them remind him not to let anyone close again- not to open himself up to this again. The Ravens were his only shot at becoming a professional and getting out of this place once and for all. He would stomach this as long as he had to, knowing that it was possible to get away from this life.


	9. NEIL

Neil had met the Foxes before, albeit under weirdly similar circumstances, but he was much more nervous this time around. This time, the questions would be about him, and he wouldn’t know how to answer. Neil somehow felt as if he had been yanked out of his safe zone, even though he never truly had one. At least on the Raven court, nobody was after him. 

Neil’s first impression of the Palmetto stadium was nearly comical. The stadium was nowhere near as large as Evermore- the walls were airbrushed with a blinding shade of orange, off-white fox paws decorating random corners and marking a trail on the floor to the court door. The foyer had more space than he expected, and it was only once Neil sat down on an armchair that he realized the crucial difference between Palmetto and Edgar Allan. The Foxhole Court was bright- sure, it was flashy and tacky and had some poor decorating schemes- but every inch of the place was welcoming. Evermore had been focused on intimidation and submission- black walls and dim lights and streaks of red that trailed the walls like blood. You couldn't step foot in the stadium without feeling an overwhelming sense of discomfort. 

Neil waited, his mind full of the questions that he might face at today’s meeting. His arm was still in a sling, and they were sure to notice it rather quickly. 

“Listen up.” Coach Wymack clapped his hands. Neil turned to look as the team filed in, taking seemingly pre-assigned seats while they waited for Coach to talk. Neil was acutely aware everytime someone turned to look at him, but he kept his eyes on Wymack, willing his face not to turn red from all the unwanted attention. Neil was surprised to see Kevin slide onto the couch, taking the place next to Andrew as if it were natural to him. Kevin gave a reassuring nod and turned his attention away. Neil let his gaze wander to Andrew- his expression was as still and blank as ever. He didn’t appear even slightly concerned about Neil’s presence anymore. Neil let that reassure him- not everyone would be expecting something from him. “You’ve all been filled in on Kevin’s situation. It shouldn’t come as a shock to you that Neil has found his way down here as well. The same rules apply as last time. Nobody outside of this team gets any information from any of you. Having him here is a big risk, but he needs time to heal. Right now, the world is focused on Kevin. Let’s keep it that way.” 

Neil watched as they all turned to him, inspecting him up and down. Maybe they were waiting for Neil to say something, but he had nothing to say to them. 

“Neil?” Someone asked, breaking the silence. Neil turned to them, expecting the question to be directed at him. 

Wymack nodded, crossing his arms and leaning on the back of an empty chair. “Yes. And if I hear a single one of you calling him Nathaniel, you’d better be prepared to run a marathon.” 

Neil shot Wymack an appreciative glance and then dragged his stare back to those who were watching him. Neil had given Wymack a haphazard story to tell the team, so he waited for the explanation to come.

“A couple days ago, Neil called me for help, and he ended up here. Now, I’m not going to claim that this team is a democracy. But if we’re going to keep him here, everyone has to understand the dangers. Kevin being here brought us to the attention of some dangerous people. Now that Neil is here too, if word gets out, the whole team could be in trouble. We will have more people paying attention to us than anyone ever has.”

Neil held his breath as he studied their faces. He knew a vote was coming, but he didn’t expect it so soon. The team didn’t know him- they didn’t trust him or care about his best interests. Neil expected the vote to be unanimous, and he finally faced the idea that he could be sent back to Evermore once and for all. The girls were looking between one another- communicating without bothering to use words. The cousins stayed in place, unmoving. They’d probably discussed this the night Andrew spoke to Neil. Seth and the upperclassmen were leaned forward in their seats, and the silence cut Neil to the bone. 

Finally, Duane spoke, “You really think we’d turn down a little more trouble?” 

Shock radiated throughout Neil’s body. He snapped his gaze over to Duane. Did he hear that right?

“We already pissed off the mafia once.” Nicky shrugged, flashing a brilliant grin toward Neil. “Why stop there?” 

There were a few nods from other team members, and Coach Wymack cleared his throat. “Is everyone in agreement? Neil stays as long as he needs?” 

“He can’t possibly be more of a pain in the ass than Kevin.” Seth said.

“We’re good with it Coach.” Renee said, and Neil met her eyes. She smiled gently at him, and Neil felt forced to look away. He focused on his lap, tracing the lines on the fabric of his sling. 

“Andrew.” Coach Wymack said, “You have to agree to this too.” 

Andrew looked blankly at Neil, and then back at Wymack. “I didn’t disagree, did I?” 

“Then it’s final. Get your asses into the locker rooms. Be on the court in five minutes or you’re running laps.” 

Neil stayed glued to his spot as they filed out of the room without even glancing at him. These people didn’t know or like him, but they took a chance on him anyway. He’d expected every last one of them to laugh at the coach for even considering it. Neil finally looked over, expecting Kevin to be the last one in the room with him. Instead, he and Wymack were standing awkwardly, waiting for Neil to say something. 

“I guess I’m staying.” Neil said. Kevin tapped his shoulder gently, and Wymack motioned to the court. Kevin ran off after the others, leaving Neil in utter confusion. His arm was still wrapped- he wasn’t going to try to play, was he? He could risk damaging his arm irreparably. Kevin wouldn’t give up Exy forever, Neil knew that much, but if he played right now he really could lose everything. 

“He’s coaching today.” Wymack said, noticing Neil’s worry. Neil took a breath of relief. It wasn’t something he ever expected Kevin to do, but it made a lot more sense. “There isn’t much room at my place, but if you’d rather stay with me than with Abby, you can.”

“Thank you.” Neil said. He knew already that he wasn’t leaving Kevin’s side. But Neil had other reasons for not staying with Abby. He didn’t trust Wymack in the slightest, but he couldn’t look at Abby’s face and hear her pity every day. He couldn’t look at Abby, because then he would have to think about his mother. He would have to accept everything Riko told him. He would have to realize that she wasn’t coming back, and he wasn’t ready for that. 

“Bleachers are that way.” Wymack said, gesturing vaguely before walking into his office. Neil stood carefully, and walked through the court doors. 

The Foxhole Court only had enough seats for a few thousand people, but Neil felt excitement coursing through his veins. There was an entirely different energy here- and it was beautiful and deadly at the same time. The Foxes played through an entire practice with intense determination. Their technique was sloppy, and their frustration at Kevin broke up their focus too often, but they played with a ferocity that Neil hadn't seen often. They played Exy as if their lives were on the line, and the only way to survive was to win. Neil craved the raw energy they had. He wanted to play like Exy was all he had left- like it was the breaking point between living for something and dying with nothing- and it was. Though, with his arm in this condition, he knew he very well may never get the chance. 

Neil stayed in the stands while everyone changed into their fresh clothes, leaning against the bright orange bleachers and staring up at the lights. They had voted for him to stay, and while he had considered running, he found himself genuinely wanting to be there. Hope burned in the back of his throat, as restless as it was volatile, but he held onto it anyway.


	10. NEIL

The Foxes’ practices passed in a blur while Neil recovered. Every practice only made the ache in his arm grow stronger as he worried he would never heal enough to play again. Kevin was finally off the sidelines and Neil envied every moment of it. He had switched to his right hand, and he didn’t spend long practicing, but he had been improving just enough for Neil to believe he would play again. Neil worried that they may never play the same- Kevin struggled with basic drills and couldn’t make a single shot in practice, it was like he was learning Exy all over again from the beginning. Kevin was relentless, ending every practice more frustrated than the next,so Neil only offered small pieces of encouragement. He would comment when Kevin’s aim got more accurate or when he was close to nailing a drill, and kept himself from pointing out all the flaws in his practice. Pretty soon, Neil would be in the same position, and he wasn’t sure he would fare any better. 

Abby called a doctor to Wymack’s apartment the first weekend Neil was there. The doctor was a bit confused about signing an NDA to check on a random kid, but when he saw Neil’s face, he understood. The doctor ended up giving Neil just as much bad news as there was good. Luckily, the fracture appeared to be routine, they plastered his arm into an embarrassingly neon cast to help the bones set properly, and it should only take six weeks to heal. The bad news hit Neil much harder. It didn’t matter how long the fracture took to heal, he wouldn’t be allowed to do anything strenuous at all for several months. By the time Neil was allowed to play, the season would be over, and Kevin would be miles ahead of him. 

Coach Wymack called an emergency meeting at the Foxhole Court that Thursday. Neil was the first to arrive once again- an inconvenient perk of living with the coach. Kevin had spent the day with the cousins, as he did pretty often lately. The four of them arrived together, and piled themselves onto the big couch in the foyer. Neil sat in the chair to their side and watched the strange interaction. Aaron seemed to outwardly dislike Kevin, sitting on the far end of the couch from him. Andrew appeared to be just as bored as always, but he took the same seat, directly next to Kevin, as he did at their last meeting. Nicky was smiling, as welcoming as usual. He broke the silence to talk to Neil while they waited. 

“Hey, how are you holding up?” He asked. 

“I’m doing fine.” Neil said, because he couldn’t very well say that he was dying for his arm to heal so he had something to wake him up in the mornings. 

“Right.” Nicky laughed, “Are you single?” 

“What?” Neil asked, mildly taken aback. Sure, he knew Nicky was gay, it wasn’t exactly a secret, but why did he care about Neil?

“Just saying, a face like yours, if you aren’t single someone here will snatch you up in a heartbeat.” Nicky said. He seemed incredibly casual, but his words smacked Neil across the face. Ravens weren’t allowed to date- it got in the way of their game. One split second distraction, and they could be knocked out easily. That’s not to say people on the team didn’t fuck eachother all the time, but Neil had never been interested in being a part of that. He was busy trying to improve himself, and a relationship didn’t offer anything that Neil couldn’t do himself. Everyone on the team was his competition- and that’s all he saw them as. It was dangerous to believe anything else. Neil had only been kissed once- a few years back, when he was practicing at Evermore one weekend. He hadn’t really thought of it since then, to him it had always been chalked up to teenage curiosity, but now that he was hundreds of miles away from Jean, he couldn’t help but remember.

“No thanks.” Neil said, because he wasn’t sure how else to phrase it. 

“You can’t reject me if I haven’t asked you out.” Nicky shrugged, and leaned back against the couch.

The door slammed open, and the girls walked in together. The rest of the team wasn’t far behind. Once everyone had sat down, Dan got up and tapped her hand against Wymack’s office door. 

“We’re all here, coach.” She shouted, and returned to her seat beside Matt. Matt slipped his hand on top of hers, and she smiled up at him.

As Wymack stepped out of his office, all eyes turned to him. He had a stern look on his face that had aged him at least ten years since Neil last saw him. He stood in the middle of the room and surveyed the team. 

“Alright, kids.” Wymack started, “We all know about the skiing accident that caused Kevin to end up here, as our assistant coach. News will be breaking soon that Neil has come to Palmetto State. As far as anyone knows, he is here on behalf of the Ravens, helping Kevin with his recovery. There will be no mention of Neil’s injuries to anyone- not the press, not your girlfriends, not your mothers.” He sent a pointed glare at Neil before continuing, “He will stay out of the fucking press for as long as humanly possible. Got it?” Wymack had gotten Neil a new phone, but he still held onto the old one. Neil knew they must have tracked him to find out he was here. He had been checking every news station that covered Exy since he arrived in South Carolina. There hadn’t been a single mention of him. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready to hear the rumors, but he knew he had to be. 

Neil nodded, but there was confused chatter across the room. 

“Uh, coach?” Seth began, but Wymack held up a hand to silence him. 

“We have to stick to our cover story. Tetsuji Moriyama called me himself to ensure that I understood ‘what really happened’.” Wymack said, with exaggerated air quotes. “I don’t know how long it will last but he seems to be allowing Neil to stay with us.”

“Oh how generous.” Andrew said with a menacing grin, “We should all chip in and send him an edible arrangement.”

Nicky snorted, trying to hold back a laugh. Neil shot a glare at Andrew, who just smirked back in his direction. Kevin’s face had gone pale, and he traced the scar on the back of his hand. Neil knew that feeling well. Even the mention of Tetsuji had put Neil’s stomach in knots. Kevin knew Tetsuji better than Neil did, and his impact on Kevin had been far worse for much longer. Wymack aside, Tetsuji had been the closest thing Kevin had to a father for the last eighteen years of his life. Neil knew that all it would take is one phone call, and Kevin would have no choice but to go back to Evermore. 

“Go home.” Wymack said, “We have an early practice tomorrow.” 

Neil got up, pacing across the edge of the room as the team began chattering. Renee and Allison were the first to leave, giving Neil encouraging smiles as they left. The boys didn’t even glance at Neil as they went out to their car- the only one who did was Matt, who waited to grab his keys until Dan had finished talking to Wymack. 

“Let us know if you need anything, alright?” Matt said, clapping his hand against Neil’s shoulder. Neil nodded and watched the door shut behind them. 

“Stop pacing, it’s annoying.” Aaron groaned, and Neil glanced over at him. His eyebrows were bunched up as he glared at Neil. With a pointed frown, Neil stalked over and sat back in the chair beside him. 

“Tell Coach you’re coming with us.” Andrew said, barely looking at Neil. Nicky and Aaron exchanged confused glances, but said nothing. 

Andrew looked over to Nicky, switching to German. “Go start the car. Neil and I need to have a chat.” 

Nicky fished the keys out of his pocket and stood, Aaron following him all the way out of the building. Neil wondered what they could possibly have to chat about, but he didn’t want to let Andrew know that he understood German. Kevin smiled at Neil, amused by the secrecy. He knew that Neil understood every word of what Andrew had said, and wasn’t letting on. 

Andrew turned to Neil, and began in English. “We’re going out tonight. I assume you don’t have anything better to wear?” 

Neil glanced down at his clothes- an oversized shirt that Wymack had begrudgingly given him after he turned down a shopping trip, and the same pajama shorts that he’d been wearing since he arrived. His only other option was Jean’s sweatshirt, but he didn’t want to risk it getting damaged. 

“That’s what I thought.” Andrew deadpanned. “I’ll find something else for you. Let’s go.” 

“Can’t you two just be friends already?” Kevin asked, trying to defuse the silence. Neil watched Andrew as he sized Neil up, and waited for a reply. An ‘okay’, or an ‘I hate you’ or anything at all- but Andrew was impossible to read, and he didn’t let anyone know what was going on in his head unless it amused him to do so. 

Kevin grimaced at the awkward tension in the room, and stood up. Andrew nodded, and he walked out to the car. Neil listened to his footsteps as he left, trying to focus on anything other than the way Andrew’s eyes felt like they were piercing through Neil’s armor. He had no idea why this empty, spiteful kid got under his skin, but he wanted it to stop. 

“We should go.” Neil said, knowing Andrew wasn’t going to say anything else. Andrew stared blankly back at him, then began walking to the door ahead of Neil. As they reached the door, Andrew stopped dead in his tracks and turned to look Neil directly in the eye. 

“It’s sucide to be friends with you.” He said. Neil felt a cold chill creep up the back of his neck. Andrew may not care about how complicated his situation was, but he was right. Neil had done everything out of self preservation, for a long time. He hadn’t ever cared about the consequences until now. Even being associated with Neil was bad enough, but to be his friend? That could get someone killed in a thousand different ways. Kevin understood that feeling better than anyone. 

Fox Tower had been swarmed by the press. Getting into the parking lot was a feat in itself, but Neil had no idea how they could get past the crowd without being noticed. There were enough people standing outside to make the first floor of the building practically disappear. Neil didn’t even have time to take in the college campus before the panic set in. He was shoved in the backseat between Kevin and Aaron, and anytime he moved, Aaron would dig his elbow into Neil’s side a little bit harder. They must’ve sat like this for nearly an hour before they realized that the campus police weren’t even bothering to wrangle the hundreds of reporters. 

“Okay, we have to go in now if we want to get anywhere tonight.” Nicky said, craning his neck to see everyone from the driver’s seat. “Keep your heads down. Walk fast. Shove through people if you need to.” 

They got out of the car in a blur, and Neil stayed sandwiched between Nicky and Aaron as they shoved through people, questions shouting in their ears all at once. Neil glanced up, and realized that the others had disappeared into the swarm. Cameras and lights were blinding, and Neil couldn’t see which direction the front door of the building was. Suddenly, a microphone was in his face, and an excited blonde reporter was chattering at him faster than he could comprehend. 

“Nathaniel, any comment on the cast you’re wearing?” He shouted.

Neil glanced down, trying not to imagine the way his bones had twisted and bruised to get to this point. 

“Uh. Solidarity?” He said, waving his arm. He knew it was a stupid answer, but Wymack had said explicitly not to speak to the press. They weren’t supposed to know he was hurt at all, let alone wearing a cast. 

“Why aren’t you in West Virginia with the Ravens?” Someone shouted, and Neil couldn’t contain the anger that bubbled up in his stomach. 

“Look, championships are right around the corner, so I’ll keep it simple. Watch how the Ravens play without me. I’d rather be with a team that doesn’t try to tear everyone around them down to win.” Neil said, and he could feel his rage like it was burning a hole through his chest. He tuned out the questions and shoved through the crowd until he was up against a brick wall. He pressed his hand against the wall, pushing past a mass of bodies and squinting at the glare of the camera. Neil didn’t even register it as a hand shot out and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him through the glass doors. Nicky stood in front of him, panting as he swiped his key card to be let into the building. 

“Did you not listen to the plan at all?” He asked, and Neil followed him through another set of doors and onto the elevator. Neil shrugged, watching the numbers light up as they passed each floor. 

“I got lost.” Neil said. Nicky laughed, and seeing the frustration on Neil’s face only made him laugh harder. The elevator door opened, and Neil followed Nicky down the hall, glancing at the doors as they passed. Neil knew that this floor was mostly occupied by the Exy team, but luckily the dorms weren’t painted with a jarring shade of orange. Nicky banged on one of the doors at the end of the hall, causing Neil to jump at the noise. 

“You can’t lock me out of my own room!” Nicky said. There was muffled conversation on the other side, and the quiet click of a lock sliding out of place. The door yanked open, Kevin standing impatiently on the other side. 

“What took you so long?” Kevin asked.

“Neil got lost.” Nicky said, looking at Neil as if it were an inside joke. Neil still wasn't sure what he found so funny about that, but he kept that to himself. 

Andrew walked up, grabbing the front of Neil's shirt in his fist before he could say a word. He shoved a bundle of fabric against Neil’s stomach and pushed Neil hard enough to make him stumble backwards. “Go change. We’re leaving in an hour.”


	11. DAVID WYMACK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is short, the Columbia chapter is super long and up next, it should be posted in just a few hours! This is based on Nora's version of Andrew telling Wymack about Columbia, but it had to have some obvious changes because the story is pretty different.

Coach David Wymack stepped into his apartment, ready to flip on the light switch, and stopped dead in his tracks. The light was already on- someone was already here. Kevin and Abby both had keys to his apartment, but Kevin was staying in Fox Tower and Abby would’ve called before dropping by. David knew who it was without having to think about it for long- this wasn’t the first time he’d showed up unannounced. He locked the door behind himself and headed toward the kitchen to find his guest. 

Andrew Minyard sat cross-legged on the couch, fists clenched around his ankles. A half empty whiskey bottle sat on the coffee table, not a glass in sight. Andrew’s face was full of more color than usual- but his demeanor was eerily familiar to David. He knew that within the hour, Andrew would be fighting off the sickness of withdrawal, an unpleasant event that was usually reserved for game nights. He smiled a faux-welcome as David leaned against the wall across from him. 

“You’re an idiot.” David said. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Andrew said, but his bored tone lacked a genuine threat. 

David shook his head and pulled a chair away from the makeshift dining room table, sitting himself across from Andrew. He took note of Andrew’s practice gear strewn about the room. 

“You’re cleaning this place before you leave.” David said. Andrew shrugged and took a long pull from the whiskey bottle. David was tempted to pull a cup out of the cabinet and set it in front of him, but he knew Andrew only drank out of the bottle to annoy him anyway- getting him a cup would only encourage the habit. “You have a problem.” 

“We have better problems to worry about.” Andrew said. 

David sat in silence, waiting for Andrew to give a reason behind his intrusion. Until Kevin had arrived at Palmetto, Andrew had made a biweekly habit of breaking into David’s apartment. Most of the time he was just there for free alcohol, but he’d started using cups around the tenth visit. 

Andrew drank until the bottle was nearly empty, then slammed it onto the table. He glanced down, as if he was surprised at the loud noise, then shrugged it off and leaned back into the couch. 

“Are we really supposed to trust him?” Andrew asked.

“Kevin does.” 

Andrew looked at him in a way that made it seem like he was trying to glare David’s stupidity away. “This isn’t about Kevin.”

“For once.” David said. 

“He can’t stay. If you don’t chase him off I will.” 

“Leave him alone.” David said. Andrew reached for the whiskey bottle again, and David grabbed it from his hand. “Andrew. Leave him alone. The team agreed he could stay here.” 

“Hey, I tried to be nice.” Andrew laughed, then his face quickly deadpanned, “All he did was lie to me. He’s evasive, and manipulative, and a liability.” 

“I’m sure your friendly attitude made him eager to spill his secrets.” 

“He’s hiding something big.” Andrew said, ignoring David’s comment. “I don’t know what, and I don’t know how. He’s had eyes on him his entire life, but nobody knows anything about his personal life. It isn’t going to last. Did he tell you anything?” 

“I didn’t ask him anything.”

“Do you see the way he looks at everyone during practice?”

“He wants to play again. Kevin was the same way.” 

“It’s different.” Andrew said, “He doesn’t look at them like he just wants to play. He looks at them like he’s trying to figure them out.” Andrew snatched the whiskey bottle out of David’s hands and held it in his lap. “He isn’t safe.” 

“Have you tried genuinely talking to him?” 

“Like talking to a politician. Fake smiles and bullshit. It’s a waste of time. He had his chance to tell the truth and he ignored it. I told him as much.” Andrew took a sip from the bottle, “We’re going to Columbia tonight.” 

“Don’t you dare.”

“You can’t stop me.” 

“But I can end you.” David said, “All of you. If you do to him what you did to Matt, I will cut every last one of you from my roster.” 

“You don’t even know if he’s worth protecting.” 

“He’s worth it as much as anyone else on this team is.” 

"He's not on the team." Andrew said, and rolled his eyes- but David knew he’d won. Andrew wouldn’t have cared about screwing himself out of his scholarship, but Nicky and Kevin were another story. David wouldn’t really cut Kevin, not when he was Kayleigh’s son and not with Riko being an ever-approaching threat that hung over his head, but Andrew wouldn’t be willing to call that bluff. Andrew wouldn’t turn his back on Kevin after they’d made a deal, and he wouldn’t even think of taking Exy out of his life right now. 

David waited a minute in case Andrew had more to say, but Andrew had turned his attention on whatever TV news channel he’d left on mute. David acknowledged Andrew’s agreeance and got to his feet. 

“You wouldn’t really cut them.” Andrew said. 

David ignored him and walked back into his room. His mind wandered between Andrew and Neil until he finally pulled Neil’s file from his cabinet. He’d gotten it a few days after they first met at the banquet. He studied Neil’s picture- from his blank expression to the faint bruises across his arm. Every Exy player came out of their practices with bruises, but nobody got fucked up at every single practice. If he’d only known to look before, he would’ve seen the pattern in all the Ravens’ files. Neil was just a kid, but he already hate so much distrust and pain. It made David's shoulders feel heavy as he considered what it really meant. He thought about Columbia as he heard the front door slam shut, wondering if he needed to do more to reign Andrew in. 

David liked Neil. The kid was abrasive and blunt, and he guarded himself like Fort Knox, but he had a look in his eyes that David couldn’t shake. And then there was Kevin. David had loved Kayleigh, and he wouldn’t risk letting her only son lose what little protection he had. Kevin was all David had to hold onto her. 

David glanced back at Neil’s picture, at the name ‘Nathaniel Wesninski’ and the bruises scattered across his arms, and tried to get his mind off Columbia. “I’m sorry.” David said, because he wished he could do something to protect him. He closed Neil’s file and tucked it back into the cabinet. 

When David first met Kevin and Neil, he was taken by surprise. They showed up in the middle of the night at his hotel for the winter banquet, soaked in blood and rain, and trusted him to know what to do. The way Neil had looked that first night- terrified and determined at the same time- he wished he had known what to say. Kevin wasn’t coherent enough to talk about what happened, and Neil hadn’t said more than a few words to Abby and David the entire night. David remembered their introduction, they sat alone while Abby worked on Kevin. ‘You’re Nathaniel, right?’ He’d asked. Neil looked at David like he’d been shoved. ‘Yeah. I guess.’.

David hadn’t fought Neil about going back to Evermore. He hadn’t questioned it until he saw the fear in Kevin’s eyes when he woke up and learned that Neil had gone back. It was the least he could do, protecting him from Columbia, and he hoped he’d done enough that Neil would still want to stay.


	12. NEIL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay... time for Columbia.

Once Neil had finished changing, he stood in front of the mirror to study his reflection. He wasn’t sure what to think about his new look. No matter how many times he went out with the Ravens, he practically always wore the same thing. It was easy to blend in when there were thirty other people dressed exactly like you. 

This outfit wasn’t exactly subtle, and he assumed nobody save for Andrew would be dressed similarly enough to hide it. Neil knew they were Andrew’s clothes, judging by the all black and the snug fit. The pants were comfortable enough, they were just long enough that he had room to strap on the boots Kevin gave him. The shirt was altogether another story- long sleeve, though it didn’t really matter because the sleeves were entirely mesh and see-through. He wasn’t sure if this was his style, but he didn’t care enough to complain. It was nice to have fresh clothes after weeks alternating two outfits. Wymack had forced Neil to get new shoes, he claimed it wasn’t safe to walk around campus barefoot, but they were simple and comfortable- nothing as fancy as these. 

Neil walked out of the bathroom to drop the clothes on the couch and noticed as Andrew walked in. He wondered where Andrew had gone, but thought better than to ask. 

Nicky grinned as he saw Neil walk into the room, “God damn, you clean up nice.” Neil gave an awkward smile, and Nicky walked over and clapped Neil on the shoulder. “You’re straight, right?” Neil shrugged, having never genuinely considered himself anything either way. “Well, it won’t matter after enough drinks.” 

Neil caught the tail-end of Kevin’s glance at Andrew, but said nothing. 

“He hasn’t even been here a month and you’ve already made how many passes at him? Don’t be pathetic.” Andrew said, pulling his jacket on. 

“Hey, you said Kevin was off limits, and then a new piece of ass walked onto our court. It’s all in good fun.” Nicky said with an awkward laugh. Neil watched the expression change into something unreadable on Andrew’s face. 

Andrew walked up to Nicky and tilted his head, speaking in German to avoid being overheard. “Don’t touch him.” 

“Relax. I was joking. I wouldn’t get him drunk.” 

“No, you don’t get it. I said no. Don’t try again.” 

“Come on, Andrew. You already have Kevin, why can’t I at least try?” 

“He said no, I said no. Accept it.” 

“Why do you-”

Neil stared in confusion as the cousins went quiet. He wasn’t sure why until he followed Kevin’s line of sight to Nicky’s chest. Andrew had a short knife in the palm of his hand, pressed up against Nicky’s stomach. Neil wasn’t sure where it came from, but his clothes didn’t look baggy enough to easily hide a knife. 

“What’s wrong, Nicky?” Andrew asked, a mock concern in his voice that made Nicky flinch. “It’s going to be fine.” 

Neil wasn’t phased by the violence, and he was no stranger to knives. He’d been hit with practically everything you could think of, but he’d never seen someone smile as happily as Andrew while holding a weapon. Neil understood the drive behind violence, the anger or the power or the apathy, but Andrew didn’t seem to fit any of those categories. His knife was like an extension of his arm- it was a bargaining tool that meant as little to him as Exy did. Neil knew that Andrew had nearly gone to juvie for attacking four guys, but that he understood, it was in defense of his cousin. This? This was threatening the same person he almost went to jail to protect. Neil wondered if Andrew meant it. The way his knife was pointed, it could easily puncture Nicky’s lung. Maybe Nicky stood still because he knew Andrew meant it, or maybe it was because he didn’t want to find out once and for all. 

Neil wasn’t sure if he should intervene- Kevin and Aaron seemed uninterested about the entire matter. Was this a regular thing? Neil wasn’t sure he wanted to find out. 

“Hey. Don’t we have someplace to go?” Neil asked, keeping his eyes carefully locked on Andrew’s. He wasn’t about to question Andrew, but he figured it would be a safe bet to separate the two of them in the car. Andrew looked at Neil as if he had forgotten entirely. Andrew switched to English with such ease that Neil had forgotten they’d been speaking German to begin with. 

“Oh yeah. Let’s go.” Andrew’s knife vanished as quickly as it had appeared, and he spun toward the door. Nicky gave Neil a half-hearted smile as Aaron patted his back, and Aaron followed Andrew as if nothing had happened. 

“What was that?” Neil asked, and Nicky grabbed his coat off the back of a chair. 

“Family argument.” Nicky shrugged, then glanced at Neil from head to toe. He shook his head and started toward the door. 

“That wasn’t okay.” Neil said, gesturing at the door through which Andrew had vanished. 

“Look, Neil. Andrew’s a little bit crazy sometimes. His lines are different from ours. I crossed a line, and he handled it in a way that may cross our lines, but not his. Complaining isn’t going to make him understand that.” Neil clearly didn’t look reassured, so Nicky continued. “I said something I shouldn’t have. I had it coming.” 

Neil frowned, but he couldn’t keep arguing. Their conversation had happened in German, and as far as Nicky was concerned, Neil didn’t understand a word of it. Neil and Kevin followed the others to the car in silence. 

Neil was in the back of the car once again, only this time he was shoved between the twins. Neil expected Andrew to cause trouble, but he had tossed Nicky the keys and slid into the backseat without a word. Neil wasn’t sure where they were going, but the press had left the parking lot and that was enough to settle his nerves temporarily. He kept his eyes trained on the road, too nervous to sleep, but the twins dozed off within minutes. 

About two hours into the drive, Nicky turned briefly back and nudged Aaron with his hand. Aaron rubbed his eyes and sat up straight. 

“Wake up Andrew.” Nicky said, “I can’t remember which exit we decided was faster last time.”  
Aaron reached over Neil and shoved Andrew’s shoulder. Andrew reacted quickly and violently. Aaron pulled his hand away in time, but Neil couldn’t lean out of the way without slamming into Aaron. Andrew instinctively slammed his arm out, clocking Neil squarely in the face. Aaron ignored Neil covering his face with his hands, and pointed at Nicky. 

“Exit?” Aaron asked. 

Andrew leaned over Neil’s lap, an elbow digging into his knee, and watched as they passed a sign. “It’s the one that has Waffle House.” 

“Every exit for the last hour has had Waffle House.” Nicky said. “Is Neil okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Neil groaned, checking his nose for blood. Luckily, his hands came up empty. 

Andrew leaned back into his seat, and Neil shot him a glare. Andrew didn’t even look up, too focused on his hands, which sat on his knees, trembling. 

“Nicky.” Andrew said. 

Nicky glanced back. It was too dark for him to see Andrew shaking, but he switched lanes as if he knew. “Hold on, ten minutes.” 

“Pull over. Now.” 

Nicky didn’t argue. He pulled over right before the exit ramp, the car practically tilting sideways as they braked into the low grassy patch before the sign. Cars sped past them, several middle fingers being shot in their direction, but nobody in the car cared. Andrew shoved the door open and leaned out the side. Neil felt his whole body shake as he vomited on the side of the road. 

“Crackers?” Nicky asked, glancing at Kevin. Kevin shook his head.

“He took them already. He started early, had to talk to Wymack about something and forgot to take it first.”

Nicky gave Andrew a horrified expression, but Andrew just returned it with a middle finger as he heaved himself back into the car. 

Nicky got back on the road quickly, but the second they got through the exit, traffic kept the car at a crawl. Andrew looked impatient, but Neil was too focused on reading the street signs. They were somewhere in Columbia, far enough that Neil couldn’t walk himself home. The car pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant called Sweetie’s. It was far past dinner time, but that didn’t seem to be slowing down their business at all. Nicky dropped them off at the door and left to find a parking spot. They stood in line to wait for seats, and Andrew wandered off to the salad bar, tearing through packets of crackers to settle his stomach. 

By the time Nicky came inside, they were being walked to one of the corner booths. Before the hostess left, Andrew shoved the empty wrappers into her pocket. Neil felt a need to apologize for Andrew’s behavior, but the hostess was unphased as she walked away. Nicky glanced at the stack of menus as the waiter walked up, and turned on his full-charm smile. 

“We’re here for the ice cream special.” Nicky said. 

“Alright, It’ll only take a minute.” The waiter said cheerfully. Nicky waited until she left, and then his smile dropped off his face completely. Andrew was hyperventilating, his head leaned into his hands on the table. His arms were shaking so much that the table practically shook with them. He took a deep breath, clenching his jaw. 

Neil glanced over at the sound of pills rattling. Kevin had pulled out a pill bottle and shook them next to Andrew’s head. 

“Fuck you.” Andrew whispered. Kevin frowned, but he slid the bottle back into his pocket. Neil understood now, Andrew was going through withdrawal. 

The waiter arrived shortly, passing out bowls of ice cream and a monumental stack of napkins. Andrew watched as she left, then scattered the napkins across the table. There was a small pile of packets underneath them, full of yellow powder. 

“You should wait.” Aaron said, looking around to see if anyone had noticed them yet. Andrew ignored Aaron, tearing open two of the packets and swallowing the contents. 

Nicky elbowed him, pointing to the ice cream. Neil took a bite, but he didn’t turn his focus away from Andrew. Andrew had already shoved the rest of the packets into his pockets, then returned to clenched fists atop the table. By the time Andrew had relaxed enough to eat, most of them had already finished their ice cream. As the bill arrived, Neil watched Aaron set a stack of twenties atop it and get up to leave.

It didn’t take long to get from the restaurant to their next destination- a two story nightclub called Eden’s Twilight. Neil felt relieved as he saw the line of people outside- they were dressed eccentrically to make Neil’s clothes look tame. Nicky pulled up by the curb once again to let them out, and the cousins skipped past the line entirely. The bouncer grinned at their arrival, handing over a parking tag to Nicky, who attached it to the mirror and drove away. Aaron greeted him with a complicated handshake, which Neil was too distracted to try to understand. Andrew led the way into the club, and the rest of them followed. 

The doors opened into a frenzy. They stood on a dais, crowded with tables, that led down to a dance floor. On either side, there were long staircases that led up another story. The DJ was on a platform above everyone, playing music that was loud enough to make Neil’s skull vibrate. They took a minute to find a table, still covered with empty glasses but otherwise unoccupied. Andrew cleared away the cups and then pulled Neil behind him toward the bar. 

It didn’t take long for a bartender to glance Andrew’s way and walk over with a sense of recognition. He flashed Andrew a friendly smile. “Back so soon, Andrew? Who’s the newest victim?” 

“I’m not sure, he has too many names to keep up with.” Andrew said, with a pointed look at Neil. “The usual.” 

The bartender smiled, and turned to Neil. 

“Whatever Kevin’s having.” Neil said. There had been strict rules at the Nest, and much to some players’ dismay, alcohol was strictly forbidden. Neil hadn’t even contemplated it- he had only just turned 18, Tetsuji had forced him to advance a year in school to start on the Ravens’ lineup the same year as everyone else. Alcohol wasn’t something Neil had even thought of, and he certainly didn’t plan on getting drunk in front of a rabid junkie with a knife problem, but he figured he’d try one drink and see how he felt. 

The bartender handed over a tray of drinks, and Andrew lifted the tray over his head with ease and navigated his way through the crowd like it was habit. The others had all gathered at the table, waiting for Andrew to put the tray down. 

“Cheers!” Nicky shouted, and everyone downed their drinks. Neil grimaced at the hard taste of whatever was in his glass. It tasted like wood and rubbing alcohol. The others were drinking at a breakneck pace, but Neil didn’t bother having anything else to drink. His mouth was dry, but alcohol only seemed to worsen that problem. He let Andrew leave alone to get the second round of drinks, watching as the other cousins faded into the crowd. 

“Be careful.” Kevin said, glancing around to make sure they were alone. It took Neil a moment to realize that Kevin was speaking in French. 

“What?” 

“Andrew doesn’t trust you. He won’t listen to me. Just… don’t drink any more. Okay?” 

Andrew found his way back to them before Neil could reply, and soon enough the packets from Sweetie’s were scattered across the table. Nicky and Aaron seemed to sense it, and didn’t take long to find their seats again. Andrew lifted a packet, offering it to Neil. Neil shook his head, and Andrew just grinned and passed them out to the others. Even Kevin accepted one, but Neil wasn’t unpleasantly surprised. It’s something that Tetsuji would’ve hated him for, and in a way, it felt like perfect defiance. 

Andrew passed over a glass again, and Neil was prepared to decline but was cut off by Andrew. “It’s club soda. I saw the way you took that shot.” 

Neil accepted, not fully understanding the urgency in Kevin’s expression. Neil glanced to Nicky, who was ripping his packet open. “Cracker dust. It tastes like sugar and salt and all it does is give you a rush. You sure you don’t want any?” 

“I don’t see the point in drugs.” Neil said, which was true in a way. He almost wanted to try it, just to spite Tetsuji, but he wasn’t about to do that with a bunch of strangers around. 

“Judgmental.” Andrew said with a smile. 

“I’m not going to apologize for thinking that drugs are just wasting your time and damaging your body.” 

“Ah, he is a righteous one, untempted by the weak indulgences of mankind.” Andrew mocked, “Is it heavy, holding up that halo? Do you impose upon us because you’re struggling with the tragic weight of the holier than thou?” 

“Do you find it fun, being resentful? Or is it just a pastime?”

“Relax, guys.” Nicky said, grabbing drinks off the tray and passing them around. “It’s not like we’re doing hard drugs. It just makes things a little more fun. You think we’d try and risk your futures for a fun night out?” He gestured between Kevin and Neil. 

“What futures?” Neil asked. 

Kevin choked back a laugh, and Neil watched as they downed their drugs and washed it down with liquor. Neil took a big swallow of his soda with them, the sickly sweet aftertaste almost burning his tongue. Neil wrinkled his nose and looked around in confusion. Andrew grabbed the collar of Neil’s shirt and twisted Neil’s head towards him. Neil felt briefly dizzy, and he tried to stand, but the weight of Andrew’s hand was enough to keep him down. 

“Fuck you.” Neil muttered. His head was foggy now- he wasn’t sure how much Andrew had poured into his drinks, but it was hitting him all at once. 

“Thank Roland when you get the chance. He wasted a lot of dust on you.” 

Neil yanked away from Andrew’s grip, but it didn’t matter. He careened into Nicky, who just shoved him back toward Andrew. Neil felt Andrew’s hand around his throat and winced at the tightness in his throat. Andrew stood up, glancing at Neil’s pupils. 

“Ah, just a minute or two then. Have some fun, why don’t you?” 

Andrew’s grip loosened, and Neil took that moment to try and swing at him. Neil’s arms were like lead, and Andrew easily blocked the punch. The world was swirling around him in an array of colors and noises now, and with a shove toward the crowd, Neil slammed into the floor hard enough that he felt the impact on a dizzying loop. Neil could feel the dust coursing through his body. His heartbeat was in his ears, and the frenzy of people around him paid no mind, stepping over and on him like he wasn’t even there. Neil felt like he was caught under a waterfall. Everytime he tried to stand, his body protested. His head felt like it was spinning in circles even as it stayed still. Nicky hauled Neil to his feet, guiding him away from the table. Neil couldn’t even feel his feet connecting to the floor anymore. Neil didn’t bother to fight as he was dragged into the middle of the dance floor, unable to even tell which way was out anymore. 

Everything was a blur of bodies and lights and music. Neil felt nausea burning in his chest. Nicky yanked Neil between people until he couldn’t see past the swarm of bodies, and grabbed Neil’s face hard enough to make his jaw ache. 

“Good luck, Neil.” Nicky whispered, close enough that Neil could feel his breath. Neil turned his head sharply away, but Nicky had already let go and disappeared into the chaos. Neil stumbled forward, trying desperately not to lose his balance. A stranger collided with Neil’s shoulder, but he used the push to stumble away from the crowd as best as he could. Everywhere he looked, he saw people. He couldn’t even see through them to the walls. He didn’t know where he was supposed to go, but the flashing lights made it impossible for him to even attempt to locate Kevin or the exit. His warning hadn’t been good enough. Kevin hadn’t prepared him, even though he knew how Neil would feel. Neil tried to focus that thought, but it slipped out of his head as he tried to see where he was going. 

He stumbled blindly through the spinning people until he collided with the bottom of the staircase, propping himself up on the steps. Neil tried to look out through the crowd, but everything was fuzzy. 

A shoe pressed down on top of Neil’s left hand, and the pain shot through his arm quickly and sharply. He looked up, and even though he could see about five of him, the person above him was unmistakably Andrew. 

“Something wrong?” Andrew asked, and the bored expression on his face made Neil want to claw his eyes out. 

“I hate you.” 

“Is that supposed to upset me?” Andrew sighed. 

“I’m going to kill you.” Neil seethed. 

“You will? I can’t wait to see how.”

“Why are you doing this?” 

“I told you that one day, you and I were going to have an honest chat, Nathaniel. You lie too much.” 

“Don’t call me that.” Neil reached out weakly, grabbing Andrew’s ankle. He dug his nails into the skin until he felt blood, and even then he didn’t let go. Andrew seemed unphased, and kicked his foot lightly to dislodge Neil’s arm.

“Sore spot?” Andrew grinned, crouching to meet Neil’s face. “Do I need to press where it hurts, or are you going to tell me first?” 

“Go to hell.” 

“Your call, Nathaniel.” Andrew traced a finger over the number on Neil’s cheekbone, “If you want to stay here, then you’re going to have to prove you aren’t a threat to Kevin.” 

“The team already said I could stay.” Neil slurred. The world was fading in front of his eyes, and all he could see was Andrew’s stare. “Kevin knows I’m not a threat.” 

“Then why didn’t he stop this?” Andrew gestured around them. 

“Shut up.” 

“Make me. Tell me something real. Tell the truth, if you even know how to.” 

“Or what?” Neil asked, and it was his turn to grin. He laid his head back against the stair steps, barely able to keep his eyes open. 

“Or you’ll be out of here tomorrow night.” Andrew couldn’t do anything worse than Riko could. If Andrew sent Neil back to West Virginia, Neil knew Kevin wouldn’t forgive him. If Andrew sent Neil back, he could shut himself down again. He could go back to being Nathaniel, and he could try to forget that he ever left that hell in the first place. It’s easy to believe that the rest of the world is just as terrible when you spend every day with the devil. Neil could focus on all the bad that happened if he had to. He could forget about the Foxes, he could forget about playing Exy out of passion instead of instruction, he could forget because he knew he wouldn’t be remembered.

“Do your worst.” Neil said, and he forced himself to get to his feet. He looked directly at Andrew as he melted back into the crowd, shoving through people like they weren’t even there. Neil couldn’t feel anything. His body had gone completely numb as he waded around, trying to find an exit so he didn’t have to face Kevin. 

Everything beyond that moment was just shadows and the beat of the bass through his skin.


	13. NEIL

Neil woke up in a stranger’s bed, in a room he had never seen before. His body felt like a warzone. Every inch of his skin felt like it was buzzing, and every movement of his head sent shooting pains through his body. It took significant effort just to lift his arm enough to check that his sling was still on. The throbbing feeling came in waves, but he could think clearer now. His memories were foggy. He still wasn’t sure how he’d gotten here, but the feeling of someone’s leg pressing against his arm was enough to force him to his elbows. The morning light was excruciating against his eyes, so he kept them closed tight. 

“Jean?” He said, his throat raw and hoarse. 

“Guess again.” The voice called, and Neil had to fight the urge to reach out and strangle him. He felt Nicky’s weight leave the bed, standing off to the side. Neil’s mind flashed through pieces of the previous night. Strobe lights, the burn of alcohol, Andrew taunting him. Neil could barely keep himself from vomiting where he sat- the burn of it lingered in his throat. Nicky tried to help Neil to his feet, but he shoved him away in anger. If anyone touched him now, Neil couldn’t guarantee that they’d live. 

The second Nicky sat beside Neil on the bed, Neil used all the strength he could muster to kick him in the side. He was still wearing Kevin’s boots, and they were thick enough to leave bruises. 

“Jesus Christ Neil,” Nicky shouted, dodging flying limbs, “Calm down, everything’s fine.” 

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Neil hissed. 

Nicky retreated to the edge of the bed, and Neil stumbled to his feet in agony. 

“Look who’s awake.” Aaron mused from the doorway. Neil didn’t remember seeing much of Aaron last night, but he didn’t care- Aaron was just as responsible for the sickness sitting in his chest. 

Neil followed the two to the kitchen, hoping it would provide him with an emergency escape route. A few steps in, he realized that even walking right now took enough effort to leave him winded. Nicky offered a hand in help, but Neil slapped it away and flopped into a chair. Despite the burn in his throat, Neil refused the glass of water Aaron poured him and kept his eyes on them both. Nicky glanced at Aaron for help, but Aaron remained focused on his coffee, unsympathetic to Nicky’s plea.

“Can I see if your head is okay, or are you going to kick me if I touch you?” 

“What did I say last night?” Neil asked. 

“Nothing to me other than a few carefully worded threats. I don’t know about your conversation with Andrew, but I don’t think it ended well. You stole enough drinks to end up passing out before two.” Nicky’s smile was genuine and casual, but Neil wanted to punch it off his face. No matter what Nicky thought their conversation meant, they weren’t anywhere near being on good terms. 

Neil couldn’t remember much of anything, and it made his heart race just thinking about it. “Where are Andrew and Kevin?” 

“At the store, getting us some brunch.” Aaron said, refilling his coffee. 

“I don’t think Neil can eat right now.” Nicky replied. 

“I didn’t ask.”

“You need to drink something. Crackers leave you dehydrated.” Nicky said, turning his focus back to Neil. Neil considered the glass, but the ache in his body was enough to make him reject it completely. He picked it up, staring directly at Nicky, and let it fall to the floor. Aaron merely glanced over at the noise, but Nicky’s reaction was a mixture of guilt and shock. 

“I’m just trying to help you. You can shower first, okay? By the time you’re out, Andrew and Kevin will be back and you can talk to them.” 

Nicky showed Neil to the bathroom, and Neil took advantage of the silence and privacy to gather his thoughts. The gaps in his memory were driving him crazy, and he wasn’t sure how much Andrew really knew. There was something recoiling inside his stomach. Neil turned on the sink and drank straight from the tap, waiting until the pain in his throat relaxed enough to stop. He didn’t have long until Andrew was back. 

Neil looked over the bathroom, seeing fresh clothes on the lid of the toilet and a towel hanging on the bar. The window was big enough to crawl out of, but he wasn’t sure he’d stay conscious, even if the fall wasn’t a bad drop. Still, there was no way that Neil would get back in the car with them for a three hour drive back to Palmetto. He didn’t know what he’d said, and he wanted to be the one to interrogate them now. 

Neil slammed the door back open, avoiding making eye contact with the cousins. He blurred the sound of their voices out of his ears and pushed past them to the front door, breaking into a desperate sprint until he was sure that they hadn’t bothered to follow him. Neil’s lungs were fighting him every step of the way, but he didn’t care. He wandered through the suburban neighborhood until he came to a main road. He wasn’t sure to go, and had absolutely no idea which way Palmetto was, but it didn’t matter. He wouldn’t be able to walk back no matter how hard he tried. Even now, it was a risk running around in public like this. The three that was tattooed onto his cheek made him a walking target. If a single person recognized him and the press was called, his location would be leaked before he had a chance to get away. And then he would have bigger concerns than Andrew- The Ravens would send someone, or worse, his father. 

Neil wandered for nearly a mile before he came to a gas station. His phone was still sitting in his pocket, but with no battery life, it was basically just a useless brick. He walked inside, wandering the aisles with his head down as he waited for the line to disappear. Then, with a certain mix of willpower and desperation, Neil put on his best smile. The cashier barely glanced at him, which was somehow the most relieving thing she could’ve done. 

“What can I help you with?” 

“Can I use your phone?” Neil asked. He thought about offering her money, but he couldn’t everything he owned was in West Virginia, and even he wasn’t stupid enough to go back for it. The cashier looked at him for a moment, and Neil knew he must have looked entirely pitiable, because she handed her phone to him without asking any questions. Neil offered his thanks and walked to the corner near the bathrooms for privacy. He hadn’t thought far ahead, though, because there was only one number he knew by heart. Neil didn’t have time to question it, though, and he dialed it with memorized speed. 

“Hello?”

“Jean.” Neil said, and a wave of relief washed over him. Jean had answered the phone. That had been Jean’s voice. He was alive. 

“Neil?” Jean asked, and his voice was softer than Neil had ever heard it before. Neil switched to French, knowing that someone might be listening to Jean’s side of the call. 

“Look, I’m on a borrowed phone, so I don’t have much time.” 

“You made it.” Jean whispered, “I saw you on the news, but I thought they would’ve come to get you by now.” 

“They’re letting me stay.” Neil said, and he heard Jean’s breath hitch on the other side, “For now, at least. I need you to listen carefully.” 

“Okay. I’m listening.” 

“I need you to find Coach Wymack’s number. It’s on a piece of paper somewhere in my old desk. I need you to tell him I’m at the Quik Stop in Columbia. And ask if he can send Abby to get me.” Neil knew that Jean could be risking his life with just this call, and Wymack’s would be another risk entirely.

“Neil, I can’t.” Jean begged. Neil wasn’t sure what more he could say. He didn’t want to force Jean to put his life on the line for him again. “Look, I still have your credit card. I can call a taxi to take you home. They know the Coach’s number, if they see that I called it-”

“I understand.” Neil said, and he took a deep breath. He didn’t have to worry about his credit card bill, since the card was still connected to the team account- and the thought of costing Tetsuji hundreds of dollars was at least moderately appealing. If Jean still had Neil’s card, they didn’t know that Neil didn’t take it with him.

“I’ll call them for you. It shouldn’t take long. Neil?”

“Yeah?” 

“Is your arm okay?” 

“I can’t play for a few months.” Neil confessed, “But it should heal completely.” 

He heard Jean sigh in relief. “I’m s-”

“No. Jean?” 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m still alive, aren’t I?” Neil could hear the forced smile in Jean’s voice, “They put a deadbolt on my door. And I’m going to have some stupid fucking scars. But I’m alive.” 

“I should’ve made you come with me.” 

“Then we’d both be back here. It wouldn’t have made sense.” Jean sighed, and Neil couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d let down Jean. 

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t be there alone.” 

“Shut the fuck up. Don’t be a martyr. You don’t want to be back here and I don’t want you to come back, you hear me?” 

“Jean-”

“No.” Jean said, “Don’t argue on this. I’m calling the cab now, I have to go.” 

“Jean, wait.” Neil said, and though Jean didn’t respond, Neil could still hear him breathing. “I…”

“I know. I miss you too.” The phone clicked off, and the dial tone sounded. Neil handed the cashier her phone back and tried to ignore the guilt that squeezed his chest until he could hardly breathe. Neil didn’t want to think about this, so he focused on the passing cars until a cab pulled to the curb beside him. 

Neil only knew one thing for certain. He couldn’t stay if he didn’t give Andrew a reason to leave him alone. He didn’t have much to tell about himself, but he spent the entire drive wondering what truths he could get away with spilling. 

Neil wasn’t ready to deal with Kevin yet, but the only place he knew to go was Wymack’s. He pulled up to the apartment, gave the cab driver a thank you and an apology, and took a deep breath. Neil must not have been far behind the others, because Wymack’s door was wide open when he got there. Neil walked in, expected to be greeted by an argument or angry fists, but everything was silent. Andrew sat across from Wymack on the couch, and Kevin was nowhere to be seen. 

“See Coach? I told you he was right behind us.” Andrew said. Fury ignited inside Neil at the smug look on Andrew’s face. 

“How did you get here?” Wymack asked. Neil walked into the kitchen, pouring himself an overflowing glass of water. He waited until he had finished the glass and filled another. 

“Cab.” Neil shrugged. 

“You don’t have any fucking money, how did you afford a three hour cab ride?” 

“Knocked over a liquor store.” Neil said casually. It wasn’t until he saw Wymack’s expression that he realized the sarcasm hadn’t come through. “Just kidding, don’t worry.”

It didn’t answer the question of his arrival, but Wymack didn’t seem to care as long as robbery wasn’t involved. Wymack wandered the halls, and Neil stood silently, watching Andrew. Andrew’s body language was entirely passive- he didn’t even bother looking at Neil while he poured himself a new glass of whiskey. Wymack reappeared, shoving a pile of clothes into Neil’s arms. 

“You smell like the floor of a dive bar, take a fucking shower.” 

Neil took everything to the bathroom and locked the door shut behind him. He couldn’t handle anything other than freezing cold water as he washed the night off his skin. The clothes Wymack had given him were mismatched, but he threw his sweatshirt over it and stared at his reflection. He hated the way his eyes stared back at him- all ice and anger. Neil couldn’t stand the violence that came as an instinct- everytime that rage blindsided him, all he could see when he looked at himself was his father. Neil bundled up his dirty clothes and towel on the counter and crept back to the living room. 

Wymack nodded at Neil’s fresh appearance, but Neil had his eyes trained on Andrew. Andrew stood across from Wymack, emptiness wiping the irritation off his face as he noticed Neil. Coach had undoubtedly been berating Andrew for Columbia, but it didn’t matter. Andrew wouldn’t listen because he didn’t want to, and he never did anything he didn’t want to. 

“Fuck you.” Neil said, unprompted. 

Wymack snapped his fingers in between the two. “Alright, this shit ends here and now. Andrew, I told you I wasn’t going to put up with this shit again. I warned you about Columbia. After what happened with Matt a few months ago-”

“It wasn’t like that.” Andrew said, frustrated enough that Neil knew they’d already gone over this, “It was just Cracker Dust. He’s perfectly fine.” 

Neil wasn't quite sure what happened with Matt, but he knew that Matt had gotten clean and his playing had improved. Maybe something traumatic happened in Columbia with the cousins that made sure he was committed to sobriety. Either way, Neil wasn't sure he wanted to know the gory details- it only meant that whatever happened to him was somehow the mild version, and that wasn't exactly reassuring. 

“What the fuck were you thinking?” 

“I’m the only one here who’s thinking. He shouldn’t be here.” 

“It isn’t up to-”

“Coach?” Neil interjected. “Can Andrew and I talk alone for a second?” 

“Fuck no.” Wymack said. “You two aren’t leaving my sight until this shit is over. I’m not leaving you alone to kill each other.” 

Neil cursed under his breath. He hadn’t wanted to give away any more secrets than necessary, but he didn’t see a choice. With a sideways glance at Wymack, Neil switched to German. “What the fuck is your problem? Why can’t you leave me alone?”

Andrew’s shock barely registered on his face, but he took a minute to gather his thoughts and respond. “Interesting. I hate surprises.” 

“I don’t fucking care.” 

“French, German, English, probably Japanese too, right? Planning to escape somewhere?” 

Neil rolled his eyes. “Tell me why you drugged me.” 

“Technically I already did.”

“I already told you that I wasn’t a threat to Kevin.”

“Yet, you proved that you’re a self serving asshole who only tells about 10% of the truth.” Andrew sighed. 

“How am I self serving?” 

“You really want me to answer that?” Andrew laughed, and Neil only glared harder. “You’re only loyal to Kevin because turning on him would get you caught. You put everyone around you in danger at all times- Coach, Kevin, the team. You left your only friend behind to die for you.” He tapped his head in fake consideration, “Am I forgetting anything?” 

Neil fought back the bitter pain that rose when Andrew mentioned Jean. He tucked his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt, clutching the fabric like a lifeline. 

“You’re wrong about me.” Neil said. Andrew stepped closer, backing Neil into a wall. 

“Then prove it.” 

“I don’t trust you.” 

“Then we’re in the same boat. Someone has to start rowing.” Andrew looked at Neil carefully, and Neil balled his fists up in his pockets in case he needed to use them. “Do I need to call your parents?” 

Neil couldn’t fight the laugh that came, and it startled Andrew a few steps back. “Good luck with that.” He felt an unfamiliar chill creep up his spine as he tried to picture the last time he saw his mother, Riko’s words ringing in his ears. 

“What, your mom’s too busy to answer a phone call?”

“She’s dead.” Neil said. 

“Your fault?” Andrew asked, as if it was entirely normal. Neil knew that Andrew hadn’t really had parents, so the absurdity didn’t weigh on him. He had spent his life in foster care- Aaron had stayed with their mother but Andrew was given up at birth. He only met his mother when he got released from juvie, and she died five months later. Neil assumed that five months was far too short for them to have made any progress at all. 

“My dad’s fault.” Neil said. The thought made him shudder. ‘I watched your father kill her’ echoed in his head. He wasn’t surprised that he believed it, but the fact that Riko had known for years and hadn’t said a word was crippling. Riko wanted Neil to hold onto the hope that his mother was coming to save him, then rip it away when he needed it most. If Jean hadn’t have gotten Neil out, he would’ve been too empty to bother trying. 

That got Andrew’s attention. Neil took a shallow breath and tried to explain. 

“My mom tried to kidnap me. To take me away from Tetsuji. He ordered my father to kill her, so my father did. My father works for his brother, Kengo. I was a liability to them, so Tetsuji took me. If I hadn’t been good at Exy, I would’ve been executed. I’ve lived with Kevin my entire life. He and Jean are my family. I am not a threat to Kevin.” 

Andrew wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t questioning Neil’s story. Neil could feel his father’s smile creeping up on his face as he got the upper hand. He tried to push it away, but he couldn’t. Andrew raised an eyebrow at Neil’s twisted grin, but it was clear that he didn’t doubt Neil’s story.

“Your father’s alive then?” 

“Not to me.” Neil said, but the fear in his voice must’ve shown. Neil was out of the Moriyamas’ hands now, and that meant his father could be biding his time, ready to show up when Neil least expected it. 

“How dangerous is he?” Andrew asked. Neil had a prepared answer- but at this point it didn’t feel worth it to lie. 

“He’s the Butcher of Baltimore.” 

Andrew’s eyes widened, and it was the first time Neil had seen an uncontrolled reaction on his face. He wiped it away quickly for his usual blank demeanor, but Neil had known that look well, he’d seen it on Kevin’s face many years ago. Neil looked at Wymack, trying to see if he’d caught any of the words. Wymack looked confused and frustrated, but there wasn’t any sign of recognition. Andrew stayed quiet for so long that Neil thought the conversation had ended. 

“He’s going to come for you, isn’t he?” 

“Probably.” Neil said, and for once, he had to accept it. There was nothing that could stop his father from taking him. He knew where Neil was, and he knew how to get to him. It wouldn’t be long before Neil was gone, even if Tetsuji was letting him stay. At this point, Neil was out of Tetsuji’s grasp, and Neil’s father would see that as free reign to do what he wanted. After everything Neil had done, his father’s retaliation would be swift and brutal. Neil didn’t expect to live long enough to play Exy again, and that hurt more than the idea of dying. 

“Well then, we’ll burn that body when we get to it.” Andrew reached out, uncurling Neil’s clenched fist. Neil hadn’t even noticed that his nails were drawing blood. Neil didn’t understand the look on Andrew’s face. It wasn’t fear or pity, he wasn’t concerned with the impending threat of Neil’s father, or how much danger Neil was putting him in by association. He didn’t even seem to be amused by Neil’s story, or proud for having finally gotten the truth out of him. Whatever way Andrew was looking at him, Neil felt consumed by it. It was enough to make him feel like he was being swallowed whole. 

“You want me to leave, don’t you?” Neil said. “We were already in enough danger without my father making it worse.” 

“I think you’d be an idiot to leave.” Andrew said, and Neil was visibly taken aback. Neil had told Andrew more than he’d told anyone. Even Kevin didn’t know about his mother yet. And yet Andrew had looked him in the eye without blinking. His relief was overshadowed by everything Andrew could use against him now that he knew the truth, but he didn’t seem to care enough to try. Neil wondered what Andrew was thinking, but it was a useless endeavor to try understanding that boy’s mind. “If you go out on your own, you won’t last a day.” 

“What about Kevin?” 

“He knows about this, and he didn’t tell me. That means he trusts you, for reasons that are beyond me. He had other things to worry about, and so do you. We’ll handle it when the time comes.” 

“It might come before we’re ready.” 

“I’m always ready.” Andrew said, and Neil couldn’t handle explaining more about his father and how unbelievably impossible it is to stop him. 

“So I can stay?” Neil asked.

“Dont ask stupid questions.” Andrew said. Neil couldn’t help but finally let the relief wash over him. He had told Andrew everything, and Andrew accepted it. He didn’t have to hide, or wait for someone to come after him. He had a foothold, at least for now.


End file.
